SPEAKER_01: 0:33

So this week we're going to be talking about ADHD and how that can really affect relationships and all that kind of stuff. I'm pretty sure everybody knows at this point. I know I'm super vocal about it, but if you don't know, you probably recognize the signs. I have pretty severe ADHD and I'm not medicated at all, which is probably not the most ideal thing. But just recently, we kind of were exploring different things for the podcast and like different topics to come up with. And this was one that actually just popped up on its own. Um, and the more that we did research on it, the more that I was like, oh my gosh, this is me. Um, Kaylee, you relate to it quite a bit too.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22

Yeah. I think this kind of, we stumbled on this organically because I feel like a lot of the dating things that we've talked about, relationship failures, situations, like everything it somehow kind of brought us to this like a wire. We like this to some degree, you know, the different ways of thinking, um, and how the ADHD brain is very much the over thinker brain too. Um, and yeah, when we were, when we were looking into this, I think both of us really related a lot to the things that we read. Um, and of course there's negatives and there's positives, but it was very eyeopening for us. And we're like, Oh my God, it kind of like made us feel also like it makes sense now why we keep encountering a lot of the same problems in our relationships.

SPEAKER_01: 2:09

Well, I think, you know, there's a piece to it, right? It's like, I mean, I don't know, at least for me, whenever I'm dating somebody, I don't know if this is just a lesbian stereotype, but we're all very in tuned with our zodiac signs and star signs and stuff. And then you're like, oh, you're an Aries, so you're like this. And now that makes sense, right? Well, it's like, why do we look at that? But we really don't explore the actual other things going on for us mentally that also make us a certain way, like chemically. Yeah. And that's really like ADHD for me. Like the more that I really like read all these things that are about it, like I'm like, oh my gosh, like that is absolutely something that I struggle with or– something that makes, you know, my relationship style so great too, you know? And like, it's like a positive as well as like some of the negatives out there, but yeah, it's, um, it's pretty crazy. So once we looked at it, we were like,

SPEAKER_00: 3:08

we have to share this. We

SPEAKER_01: 3:09

have to share this information because I know that we're not the only two people that are dealing with

SPEAKER_00: 3:13

this. No, not at all. And we know other people that are very much like this, you know? Um, I think that, um, to some degree, the person, the person that I'm dating right now, we talk about it all the time. And we're very much both the same. Yeah, very much over thinkers. And there's, we've only been dating for two months, eight weeks now, but there's a lot of communication that has to happen. Because and we I, when I'm overthinking on something, I have to, I address it with him because if not, you know how we can spiral. Oh yeah. We spiral when we, whatever, we sometimes just literally will create something in our mind that doesn't exist. Yeah. And you know, it's like, you need to talk that through with the person, you know, that you're

SPEAKER_01: 4:00

dating. One of the things they call it, I guess, is like the scientific word for it is rejection, sensitivity, dysmorphia.

SPEAKER_00: 4:08

Rejections.

SPEAKER_01: 4:09

Okay. So it's a small shift in tone or a missed text that can spiral into the they hate me thoughts.

SPEAKER_00: 4:16

Do you... So, yeah, let's go into, Cody, some things that... This is one of the things that Cody found that was very... Eye opening for her and something that she battles with. Right. So we're going to go into some of the things that you found. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 4:33

I think that one probably was like the biggest thing for me where truly like especially when I'm in like a talking stage with somebody that like. any shift in energy like i immediately am like oh my god like what's wrong like what's going on like what what did i do that like changed this or like are your feelings changed now or did i you know did somebody get the ick you know like what what is really going on so like that is such a huge piece of it and then it also kind of goes into like um you know Impulsivity and conflicts too so like that's like another piece that I feel like kind of like starts with that dysmorphia that like now all of a sudden you've created this conflict and you're just like so impulsive on it and like so impulsive on your thoughts and like now you got to like dig that hole deeper you know.

SPEAKER_00: 5:24

Like explore it. Yeah. Like now I need to like to some degree like pick the scab. Yeah. Right. No, it's

SPEAKER_01: 5:30

just like what you were saying, how you're like, you know, I'm just an overthinker. But truly, like if you break it down, like those are the two pieces is that, you know, like the shift in tone or a text that wasn't that was missing an emoji or something that would normally be there. Now you're like. I'm going to be impulsive about it and like start a fight or like start like a argument or a talk that is like, well, what's really going on when there's really nothing going on, you know? Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 5:58

I can relate to that. I feel like I've definitely with those two things. I've definitely been that way in the past. I think it's definitely something to me. To me, if you can bring awareness to something. So I personally, I don't like the label ADHD. I don't like any label that is put on any person or especially a child because then you just, they're walking around with this label on them thinking they're a certain way.

SPEAKER_01: 6:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 6:24

To some degree, but also there's a side of it that I do like because it can help you better understand yourself also. And because everybody's different and, and we do fit under the category of our brain works a certain way and not everyone else's does. Yeah. So I just want to put that out there. Um, but, um, I think that in, in anything, if you can, if you can bring awareness to something and shed light on it, then you can, once you're aware of it, you can't not become aware of it so you can change it.

SPEAKER_01: 6:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 6:55

So I know for me, those are things I'm definitely a way I was in the past and I'm, working on that. And I think a big way to work through it is just through communication.

SPEAKER_01: 7:03

Yeah. Well, cause that's the thing. It's like, if you think about like, you know, very early relationships that you were in and you think about like how trivial those like fights or arguments would have been. And And we're able to use that. And like, because that's exactly what you're saying. It's like the more that you know how you're wired, like the more you can accommodate yourself,

SPEAKER_00: 7:29

you know what I

SPEAKER_01: 7:30

mean? And like make it easier and like give out that communication, right? You know, and it's like when you actually know... like your own red flags in a sense. And you can like pre-warn somebody or like even try to calm yourself down a little bit and not, you know, show you're crazy, as my mom says. Yeah, show you're crazy. Don't show you're crazy too soon, you know. It helps out, you know. But I mean, the other things that like I struggle with too, like dating while like having ADHD is like the fast attachments, right? and like just big emotions like if i come across somebody that like hits all the right buttons oh my god like it's game over

SPEAKER_00: 8:16

there's

SPEAKER_01: 8:17

no going

SPEAKER_00: 8:17

back i'm like sitting here literally rubbing my temple because i'm just the amount of truth to this sometimes it's yeah it's it's overwhelming and you know having to face your shit and face yourself in that way like Kudos to both of us because it's not an easy thing to do. No,

SPEAKER_01: 8:35

it's not. And, you know, and it's very much so like when you deal with things like that and you feel those kinds of things, then you're also, you find yourself having these moments where you kind of reflect and go, well, does this other person feel the same way? You know, or is this just me? Or like, you know, all those different things. Like how deep is it for them really? You know, I don't know. Do you feel that way? I feel like I constantly need reassurance.

SPEAKER_00: 9:01

Yes. I guess I would word it differently. I wouldn't say constantly need reassurance, but I need constant communication. And to some degree it is constant reassurance. Yes. Yeah. I need the verbal reassurance. Sometimes, even though I know I'll ask, you know, it's like, I know this person cares about me so much. I know this person. I need to know that they

SPEAKER_01: 9:24

still like me today.

SPEAKER_00: 9:25

Yeah. Like, it's like, so yeah, I get exactly what you're saying. Like that constant, like need feedback. I guess it's validation to some degree, right? It's like, yeah. Like I need to

SPEAKER_01: 9:35

validate, like, especially now knowing like, okay, like, did I just like cook this little romance up in my head? Like, you know, or is it really happening? Like, and I feel like that's how like our brains work like that because we feel things so deeply, you know, which isn't a bad thing. Like, it's not like, I feel like if you're out there, you guys, and like, and you're dating somebody that does have ADHD, like, you're lucky because if that person is really into you, like they are going to ride or die for you. Like no matter what, like they, it's all gas, no brakes.

SPEAKER_00: 10:10

We'll go into the positive side, but let's go. I see, um, That you have some other really, really big things on here that are so true that I totally relate to.

SPEAKER_01: 10:22

One of the other things on this list that I kind of wrote down as I was putting things together was the dopamine chase. So it's like when you're in a new relationship... And I think most of us call it the honeymoon stage, right? But honestly, for ADHDers, like it's even like a heightened state, I feel like sometimes. And it's like you're in it and it's such a high and then it's like, well, what happens when it's over?

SPEAKER_00: 10:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 10:54

You know, like, or do you just chase that forever? And then that's when you end up in like some toxic situations.

SPEAKER_00: 11:00

Absolutely. Yeah. That one was probably the one that I related to the most. And it's something that I know I've had to work through a lot. Yeah. Because you get addicted to the honeymoon phase. You get addicted to the high in the beginning. And especially like we do feel things so deeply. And so, yeah, I mean, it can be very addictive. And when it starts to wear off and that passion starts to wear off, that you get in the beginning during the honeymoon stage, the validation isn't coming so easily from that person. Because now you guys are kind of more comfortable. You're used to each other. And I hate that. Honestly, I'm the type of person, I'm a very passionate woman as well as an overthinker. And I would love to live in the honeymoon phase forever. And in my past and in past toxic relationships, They've been very addictive to me because with the lows and the fighting come the highs and the making up, you guys. So sometimes even if you've been with someone for six years. Well, it's

SPEAKER_01: 12:01

the breakup to make up. Yeah. Right. You know, I feel like that is such a slept on thing that people do just simply to reset that dopamine clock.

SPEAKER_00: 12:14

We have friends that are married that

SPEAKER_01: 12:16

do it. Yeah. no

SPEAKER_00: 12:18

everything's all fine what are you you're really getting upset about that but it's like

SPEAKER_01: 12:23

but it's just it's getting that that validation at the end and they're like i'm gonna try harder you know and it's like i find myself doing that all the time in past relationships all the time i've caught myself doing that

SPEAKER_00: 12:36

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 12:37

and i was reflecting so much like while like reading these points and like really researching this that i was like oh my god Like all those little trivial fights. I mean, I know that there's like some exes that I'm friends with that listen to this and I'm sorry. That's exactly what happened. You're all

SPEAKER_00: 12:56

blaming on my brain.

SPEAKER_01: 12:57

Yeah, it wasn't you. It was my brain. It was my ADHD. But like literally, it's like I can't tell you how many times I've started a fight like over seemingly nothing on a random fucking Wednesday just because I want to feel something.

SPEAKER_00: 13:12

Are you me? You guys, the amount of revelations that are happening, I'm quiet for a reason right now, okay? I feel like I just got called out. You know sometimes when you're scrolling on Instagram or on TikTok and you're like, I feel attacked. That is literally how I'm feeling right now, Cody. I feel like I want to curl up in a ball and hide. You know what? We're here to bring you the realness and to bring you the self-awareness and it's fucking true. It is so true. It's true. I've done that shit for sport. Like, if we can make that a sport, I'm good at it. I'll find... No, it is. Oh, man. I've been... I've totally been like that. Find, like, the littlest fucking things to make a big deal about, to stir up some shit, to create some excitement, to... Yeah. And then to make up after. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 14:00

You know? It's like, all of this could have been solved with just a simple conversation of, like, hey... I'm feeling some type of way. Like, where are you at? Like, can we meet somewhere in the middle here? But instead, you know, it's, well, I'm going to go and hang out with my fucking friends if you don't want to hang out with me tonight. And, you know, have fun. But don't have fun. Yes. Because you'll... You'll get it after. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 14:26

because I just raised your fucking cortisol levels because I got you over here stressing that I'm going to break up with you or I'm going to fucking leave you because you didn't choose me today. Yeah. So have a good time, but don't. And I'm going to be off with my friends doing my own shit.

SPEAKER_01: 14:38

And I will be having a good

SPEAKER_00: 14:39

time. Yeah. And I'll be posting it all over Instagram for you to see too. Yeah. So, you know, we realize how toxic that is. Okay. We realize how toxic that is. And, um, come on, you all know how you guys have been guilty of it at one point or another. It's, It's a thing.

SPEAKER_01: 14:57

And we're trying, you know, like Kaylee's in the middle of like a newer relationship. She's trying a lot of different things. We talked about this, you know, like there's a lot of self-awareness that comes with these things and we're trying to make better habits and like. come to terms with it all, you know, and like do better by ourselves, you know?

SPEAKER_00: 15:17

Yes. Something else that resonated with me, um, is the forgetfulness when you're very ADHD, um, forgetfulness. So, um, because we have so much going on in our mind and it's not that we don't care about the person. Um, for me, it's, um, for me, forget forgetfulness shows up more like, um, not remembering like let's say birthdays or I don't know certain certain other things like I'm not I won't be forgetful to like check in with you know check in with you and text you and they do all that it's more like there's certain things I have so much going on in my mind that I just kind of file to the back and I forget yeah sometimes I don't know if you're like that I'm like

SPEAKER_01: 15:57

that too okay where but it's like certain categories like you know like I'll forget that you told me that you had plans today that but like I'll remember your Starbucks order forever and

SPEAKER_00: 16:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 16:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 16:28

that we tend to sometimes jump around in conversation. Like sometimes like if someone's talking too long, like my brain will literally like turn off. Like I'm just like, I'm ready to skip to the next thing. Okay,

SPEAKER_01: 16:40

so this is actually like a thing that like I am currently like dealing with right now. So... So the girl that I'm kind of like chit-chatting with right

SPEAKER_00: 16:50

now. What are we going to call her? Who is this new... So a new character kind of might be entering. Yeah, we'll see.

SPEAKER_01: 16:56

Somewhat. We're going to call her door number three. Okay, door number three. Because there's a couple of doors that are semi-closed but not locked at this moment. But... Yeah. So I'm more focusing on this one right now, but we'll see where it goes. Okay. Because the ADHD has definitely taken over so far and we'll get there. Okay. But this is my thing. So she is way more of a phone call person versus a texter. I myself am a texter simply because I feel like that captures my full attention. because I actually have to read it and I actually have to type out what my response is and reread it and make sure it's all good. Where if I'm talking to you on the phone, especially for more than an hour, my mind is somewhere else. I'm on TikTok.

SPEAKER_00: 17:49

I'm the same way. I'm scrolling on Instagram. Because we're such multitaskers, babe, I'm the same fucking way. When me and him will be on the phone for an hour, I'll literally be doing other stuff on my phone while I'm on the phone. While I'm doing this?

SPEAKER_01: 18:04

Yeah. That's when I'm making all of our posts and things. It's not a disrespectful thing. It's just truly that's the way my brain works. And I can't concentrate on one thing at a time. Yeah. And I feel really bad because I know that she's paying attention to every word I'm saying and taking it all in. And I care. I want to know everything that she's saying. But... after a certain amount of time, like my brain just times out. Yeah. You know, and honestly, I

SPEAKER_00: 18:34

kind of, which is what I was just saying right now. Same thing. Yeah. It's like, I just don't, I don't have the capacity. It's not that. It's not that I don't care. Yes. That's not trying to be rude. That's where like, whether you relate to this because you are this person or whether you're dating or married to someone that's like this, or even you have a friend like this, you guys understand it's not for lack of caring what you have to say, caring about you, loving you, any of those things. It's just our brain works differently it truly does and i'm not sure we're not making excuses this is if we could change it you guys if we could if we could change some of these things we would this is literally the way that we are wired

SPEAKER_01: 19:10

yeah no absolutely and you know it almost kind of brings me back to the girl from the lake she was a big phone call person too and was like anti-texting right and remember we like kind of had like a conversation about that and now I'm thinking about it again and kind of like you're like wait this is coming up and I'm like that's exactly what this is because I have these like I just keep attracting these people that are more phone call want to like talk to you and like hear your thing and I get that

SPEAKER_00: 19:39

so what are you looking for are you just looking for excitement right now is that what it is then are you not genuinely are we genuinely are you not genuinely looking to connect with someone are you looking for something more exciting I am Because it's okay if you are.

SPEAKER_01: 19:52

I think it's a little bit of both. But, like, I think for me truly, like, it's hard for me. Like, I mean, if I'm, like, hanging out with you in person, like, yeah, I can sit there and talk with you for hours and be engaged in the conversation, you know. But it's really hard for me to, like, really engage over the phone. And I feel like that's where the forgetfulness also comes in, too. Because

SPEAKER_00: 20:15

you're not all the way. Where, like, I'm such a

SPEAKER_01: 20:17

visual person.

SPEAKER_00: 20:19

that

SPEAKER_01: 20:20

like literally like if somebody tells me what they what their favorite food is I can almost remember that text in my brain and like see it you know what I mean where like if somebody told me like their you know Fucking Target. Okay. What they needed from Target over the

SPEAKER_00: 20:37

phone. I'm understanding now. Okay. I think you do better with, um, when I think you, you, you retain the information better when it's written out. Right. When you're visually either writing it or reading it, it helps you to process it. I'm that way to some degree also. So I understand that. That's why like for me too, journaling is really big. Do you journal?

SPEAKER_01: 20:55

No.

SPEAKER_00: 20:56

You should. I,

SPEAKER_01: 20:57

I literally have a journal app. You can see it on my laptop right

SPEAKER_00: 21:00

here. No, no, no girl. I mean old school, like pen, paper. No,

SPEAKER_01: 21:03

no. You're

SPEAKER_00: 21:04

like, no, not for me.

SPEAKER_01: 21:06

I've also tried that too. And it doesn't, I can't, I'm not consistent in anything. That's just the fucking truth. That's just the fucking truth. I'm literally not consistent with anything in my life. If there was one thing I could change about myself, that would

SPEAKER_00: 21:21

be it. Well, you're consistent in being a really good friend. Well, thank you. And you're consistent in we communicate every day throughout the day.

SPEAKER_01: 21:27

We do, actually. Yeah. But, you know, it's something like between the gym, work, like... other relationships you know what I mean it's like unless you're like in my top pinned thing or or if you don't know how like my brain works you know what I mean like some people just truly know like all right this is how I have to get a hold of them like you know yeah but yeah I don't know I'm I'm trying to I'm trying to get through things right now with door number three we'll see

SPEAKER_00: 21:58

yep um there was another one I don't know if you saw this one um you crave connections. So it says sometimes your brain wants novelty and excitement, which can feel, which can make long-term routines feel boring. Even if you love the person deeply. Do you relate to that? Kind of like, it kind of like relates back to like the honeymoon phase that we were talking to talking about how we like that excitement. You know, it, it, I

SPEAKER_01: 22:24

see it that

SPEAKER_00: 22:25

way

SPEAKER_01: 22:25

because, and I'm thinking back to, you know, like, my relationship like my field engagement and like she was so content with like how things were and like day-to-day everything where like I did crave like a little bit of more excitement you know whether it be like hey like I want to go on a trip or I want to go like on a new date somewhere try something new like I was always like the one to be like Let's do something new. Let's find a new hobby together. Let's go to the gym. Let's do something new together. And she was not... Into that. Like she was totally just good with like routine.

SPEAKER_00: 23:05

Some people actually prefer that. Yeah. So

SPEAKER_01: 23:07

like, I think that's where her and I also didn't mesh well was because like, she wasn't really like ever wanting to like do anything new. Like she was just very just, this is my routine. This is what makes me happy. And that's where

SPEAKER_00: 23:20

we're going to leave it. And we all know people that are like that.

SPEAKER_01: 23:23

And that's fine too. Like good for you. Like truly, because God, it gets expensive trying to like get all these new things to work. you know keep yourself entertained

SPEAKER_00: 23:33

cody i just never realized that there was a correlation between adhd and that um need for change and excitement aspect i honestly just thought it was that i i don't know i was like this because of it's in my dna because of how my dad is or i don't know you know what i mean like i just thought it was like a me thing i did not realize that That ADHD brain, overthinking brain, that actually relates to that. The need for excitement, change, spontaneity, all of that.

SPEAKER_01: 24:06

Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 24:07

it's huge.

SPEAKER_01: 24:08

It's such a huge thing. You

SPEAKER_00: 24:11

guys, you're not alone.

SPEAKER_01: 24:12

Honestly, if you guys have this or you're dating somebody that has this... Take notes and think about it. If you're dating somebody who has ADHD and you deal with these issues and maybe they don't know, maybe they haven't been educated on these things. I wasn't. I

SPEAKER_00: 24:30

wasn't either. And you guys, everything that we're bringing up, by the way, we've researched. We've extensively researched and this is literally science-backed things. So you guys are more than welcome to... We're bringing facts, you guys. You're more than welcome to look into these things on your own.

SPEAKER_01: 24:44

And this is one of those things where like, I mean, I got diagnosed when I was 12 and I you know I was on medications like you know as a kid and then basically came into like puberty and it was like causing a lot of like mood swings and stuff so my parents took me off and just kind of let me you know be you just raw dog the world for the last 20 years you know and and it's been a ride no no but um yeah so I mean I feel like not having that kind of like support or like intervention to like really understand this at an early age has made relationship so hard friendships like romantic relationships so like if you're listening and you have somebody in your life that's dealing with the stuff that may not even realize it like make them listen to this episode like sit down and talk to them because It's huge.

SPEAKER_00: 25:36

Sometimes even just knowing you're not alone.

SPEAKER_01: 25:38

Yeah. And just realizing that some of the things that you're like... Because I've done it. How many times have I called you this week? You know? And been like, dude, I'm freaking the fuck out about something.

SPEAKER_00: 25:51

And I've done it with you too in this new relationship where I'm like... Yeah. Where you've had to be like, no, stop.

SPEAKER_01: 25:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:59

Like

SPEAKER_01: 25:59

Kaylee. And it's like that same thing with me. Like, you know, and like with this girl where I'm like... Just fucking ready to jump off the cliff. You know what I mean? It's such a fast attachment because we have so much in common and we're very, very alike and have dealt with a lot of the same things and all this different stuff. So I'm just like, oh my God, where have you been all my life? You know what I mean? And that feeling, if you have... adhd i know that you've thought that in your head about somebody within the first seven days of knowing them

SPEAKER_00: 26:31

guaranteed seven days first 24 hours you know

SPEAKER_01: 26:33

where you're like oh my god like they're the one you know what i mean but it's like okay you don't know them you know like you've only seen the the preview like everybody likes the preview of top gun yeah but not everybody wants to sit there for three hours yeah exactly but you know i don't know that's one of those things like that I'm kind of working through right now with this is like trying to like slow it down not get ahead of myself be more like in the moment and but not too in the moment that I like forget what else is going on around me you

SPEAKER_00: 27:05

know absolutely Yeah. If you guys know someone that's like this, share it. We're part of this really cool club, you guys. And... Well, if anybody was wondering... It's called unengagers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 27:18

No, if anybody was wondering, this is exactly where the whole ghosting poll came from the other day because... 24 hours and you started spiraling?

SPEAKER_00: 27:49

yeah that's true but I agree yeah so I don't know I think I don't know I just think that it's just really cool that we're giving a voice to this

SPEAKER_01: 28:03

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 28:04

I feel like it's big because I know for a fact there's more people that are like this and that feel crazy like we do do you think okay question because of the excitement element that we like and all those things and how it corresponds and all that Do you think that that could be a part of the reason why we aren't married or that we have had all these, like, all the failed relationships? This is 100%. Are we the problem?

SPEAKER_01: 28:30

This is 100% the reason that I am not married. Okay? Okay. 100%. Maybe not just to the last person. She had some, you know, she had some things as well. But, like, I could think about maybe my last five relationships.

UNKNOWN: 28:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01: 28:48

I know for a fact that probably two of those would have worked out if I wasn't fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_00: 28:54

Yeah. We're like 50%. You

SPEAKER_01: 28:56

know? So I'm like, I know that there's like some people that it would have worked out just fine had I not ruined it. With my tendencies.

SPEAKER_00: 29:04

So now becoming aware of all of these things for our listeners and for us ourselves, right? Some of the things I knew, some of the things are brand new to me. I did not know. And I'm grateful that I do now. Do you think, do you see us... do you see us being able to be married with one person for long, long extended amount of, you know, forever for the rest of our life? If we were to meet the one, I would hope so. I

SPEAKER_01: 29:28

mean, for me, like that's, that's what I want. Yeah. You know, like that's what I want one day. Like I want the whole thing. Like I, you know, I want to get married and have kids and, you know, coach the softball team, do the whole nine yards. You know what I mean? Like the American dream. Right. But, um, you know, also like it is like one of those things where you're like, am I capable of that? And like, am I capable of doing that in a healthy way?

SPEAKER_00: 29:55

Yeah. I think the answer for me would be like, I want the same thing too. Like I want to find that love. I want to get married. I want, I would get married, totally get married again. And I want that like forever love story for sure. I mean, I think we're both very deeply passionate women and we want that and we want it with one person. Um, I think I'm even just learning from this relationship that I'm beginning now with this new person that I think what it requires is one, you know, first step is the awareness of the way you are, how you tick, what your issues are. And I think, um, It's a day-by-day thing. I really do, you guys. If you're related to any of this, take it one day at a time. And when your mind does start to spiral, I think a big thing for me that I'm learning is that I just communicate with him about it. I tell him, hey, I'm feeling this way. Can you put my mind at ease about this? Is this merited? Should I feel this way? Or should I not and why? You know what I mean? Just communicate. with it not every thought that you have remember our mind lies not every thought that comes into our mind is truth so i think also reminding ourselves of that um And then just communicating. And I think it could even, this could impact more than just relationships with a significant other. Like you said, it impacts friendships. Well, yeah, this could be

SPEAKER_01: 31:17

relationships, friendships, it could be family members, even like people that you work with. This is all kinds of things, you know, that can be... you know, affected by it. And, you know, one of the things that like coming into this that I'm trying really, really hard to like put it into practice, you know, is like just understanding like how my brain works and like how my tone might come across to somebody else. You know, in like this most recent like situation with door number three, like long story short guys we were supposed to like get together hang out like she wasn't feeling very well and then um we kind of got into like a little tiff about it and i thought i was getting ghosted and honestly normal me would have never texted this person again never like brought anything up nothing but i was just like no like i i'm gonna like reach out and be like what the you know yeah and so i did and we talked and we had like a really really good talk and it just turned out that you know, tones were misunderstood via text. And I thought I was being accommodating and she thought I didn't give a fuck. And, you know, and so like we talked about it and cleared the air and everything's been good. And like, I feel like the communication is a lot more clear now. That's

SPEAKER_00: 32:39

why she likes talking on the phone, Cody, not texting. Maybe you should just start putting a time limit to the phone calls. Be like, my attention span is 30 minutes. 30 minutes is all you get.

SPEAKER_01: 32:48

usually I do usually I'm like the kind of person like with the girl from the lake that girl would call me and I would like find a reason like oh my dog has to take a shit or something and be like I gotta go but like no I've literally been on the phone with this girl for like hours at a time yeah I can see how that's too much sometimes it is sometimes I like look at it and I'm like oh shit we've been on the phone for fucking three hours like that's crazy like not all of it's like that but I do feel like I'm not the most intensive listener all the time. Like I am listening. It's

SPEAKER_00: 33:24

not always retained. Maybe we need to come up with a code word. You know, she's understand your ADHD. Come up with a code word when you're now checked out. Like you're listening, but you're not fully listening.

SPEAKER_01: 33:35

I don't need a safe word in the bedroom. I need a safe word while on the phone. Yeah. When my ADHD starts taking over.

SPEAKER_00: 33:43

Pineapple. I

SPEAKER_01: 33:44

don't know. That's so funny. That's actually the word I use.

SPEAKER_00: 33:47

Really?

SPEAKER_01: 33:48

Yeah. Pineapple. I mean, obviously not for that, but you know.

SPEAKER_00: 33:51

Oh, yeah, really? I don't even have a safe word.

SPEAKER_01: 33:54

Of course you don't.

SPEAKER_00: 33:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:56

That doesn't surprise me. It's just more.

SPEAKER_00: 33:59

It's okay. It's okay. That's why we toggle on the explicit content option when we post these episodes. Yeah, I guess we

SPEAKER_01: 34:05

do. We

SPEAKER_00: 34:05

need to do an episode about sex.

SPEAKER_01: 34:08

We do.

SPEAKER_00: 34:09

From the gay perspective, straight perspective, I would love for you to give some advice. I know we don't have a lot of male listeners, but like how to properly eat out a girl. Like no one knows better than a lesbian. I'm

SPEAKER_01: 34:23

not doing that on this episode.

SPEAKER_00: 34:25

Okay, not on this episode, but on another one. That deserves an episode of its own. It really does. Okay. But anyway, ADHD brain, we're getting off topic

SPEAKER_01: 34:34

here. Sorry, guys. Now, you know, they're like, wow, that really is real. But Perfect example number one. But are you entertained?

SPEAKER_00: 34:42

Yes. Yeah, you are. So I don't know. Something I just wanted to leave everyone with as far as talking about the negatives of it and how it can negatively impact your relationships is you are not broken. Your brain just dances to a different rhythm and the right partner will dance with you. Oh, I thought that was cute. That is cute.

SPEAKER_01: 35:02

I'm a horrible fucking dancer though. Hey, we've danced together. I know. And that's why we always post half those videos. Just kidding. Some of them are just for us. But no, that's really sweet. And that really is a good way to kind of, you know, visualize that.

SPEAKER_00: 35:17

Our brain just dances to a different rhythm, different beat. And I do feel like whether it be this girl or someone else or whether for me, my relationship is so new, it's going really well. But who knows, Cody? I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. You know, I don't know what the future holds. I mean, I am intuitive. I don't

SPEAKER_01: 35:35

know. You know, some new hobbies you

SPEAKER_00: 35:37

might be added to the list. But no, I will say it exists because this person that I am dating is He dances to my rhythm. He really does. He understands the way that my brain works, and he's the same way. You know what? That's probably why I get along with him so well, too. Oh, absolutely. I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01: 35:56

Maybe we need to figure out what his... thing is.

SPEAKER_00: 35:59

Do we need to diagnose him? Yeah. We need to figure out

SPEAKER_01: 36:02

what he has so that like, I can like put that in my hinge profile, like searching out people that have this mental, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 36:10

Like I need your, your mental health issues to match mine. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 36:13

Yeah. You know how they say like, you know, you got to find somebody who's demons, you know, dance ball with yours. Oh, I love that. That's what this is, you know, is that it's like, I got to find somebody with a mental health disorder that matches mine.

SPEAKER_00: 36:25

You know what? Because at the end of the day, everyone has demons and even the people who claim to be who aren't as vocal about it as we are you know what everyone has fucking issues so

SPEAKER_01: 36:34

I have a question since we're talking about this because I have recently found this out and I don't know if you even know this about yourself or not but do you have you like had anybody that like you're dating like a routine like gosh how can I word this like have you dated multiple people that have the same like mental disorder

SPEAKER_00: 36:58

Absolutely. I feel like I've dated a lot of the same people in different bodies. I feel like I've dated a lot of narcissists.

SPEAKER_01: 37:05

I know for a fact, like two separate people diagnosed that I've dated that have had borderline personality disorder.

SPEAKER_00: 37:13

Oh, okay. You mean literally like literally, literally

SPEAKER_01: 37:17

like those. Yeah. And like, obviously I, you know, wasn't seeking that out. Didn't know beforehand, but yeah. I've realized that I've now dated two people diagnosed with that. And one of the biggest things, one of the biggest like– not red flag, but like biggest like features that those people deal with is like this favorite person kind of like thing that they have. So it's kind of like that's a factor in it, right? Like that's a symptom where like they find somebody that's like their new favorite person until they're not anymore. And I'm like– What? That is exactly– yes. And I'm like– my, my ex, like she had that. And I was like, that's exactly why her and I probably right away. We're just like, bam. Like, so then once you're not, okay. That's my hyper focus on everything mixed with her favorite person thing. Boom. That's where you get that. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 38:13

So when you're not their favorite person anymore, are you, do you become

SPEAKER_01: 38:17

unengaged? No,

SPEAKER_00: 38:19

but like after you're not their favorite person, is it literally? Cause like, then it's the flip of the coin. Yeah. No, literally you're their least favorite person. Well, that's, isn't that how most breakups work though? Whether you're disengaged, fucking divorced, like going through a breakup in high school, like that person's your favorite person until they're not.

SPEAKER_01: 38:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:38

And

SPEAKER_01: 38:39

they're your least favorite person. That was like an actual diagnosis and an actual characteristic.

SPEAKER_00: 38:45

Clinically diagnosed. So we need to keep you away from people with borderline personality disorder. What was it called? Yeah. Borderline

SPEAKER_01: 38:51

personality disorder.

SPEAKER_00: 38:53

BPD.

SPEAKER_01: 38:54

No, seriously. If somebody says they have that, I'm like, I'm so sorry, but I'm going to protect both of our mental states by saying this isn't going to work out.

UNKNOWN: 39:06

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_01: 39:06

It's true. We're

SPEAKER_00: 39:08

gonna have to cut this part. I can't. Oh, man. Have you ever just so fucked up that you just gotta laugh about it? Oh, my God. Oh. Like, is everyone like this? Like, what's wrong with us?

SPEAKER_01: 39:22

Well, you know, the more you know. Like...

SPEAKER_00: 39:24

oh my god i think now that's a great way to segue into some of the positives of having indeed

SPEAKER_01: 39:32

oh you go right ahead

SPEAKER_00: 39:32

rapid fire let's talk about those okay let's rapid fire some of the positives you guys because there really is positives we're a lot more passionate than a lot of other people we love more boldly and deeply um we have a deep devotion when we do you know um Fall in love with somebody. We have a very deep devotion and loyalty to them. Loyalty is huge. Yep. We are some of the loyalists.

SPEAKER_01: 39:55

Loyal to the soil.

SPEAKER_00: 39:57

I feel like something else that I read is just how fun and energetic people are that have ADHD and how we really do leave an impression on people and on a room. Like, we really know how to have a good time. No,

SPEAKER_01: 40:10

it's an energy, for sure. It's an energy. We're running on a completely different frequency.

SPEAKER_00: 40:15

The other thing, which I think for me was the biggest thing that totally is something that you and I have, is that... People who are ADHD typically are some of the most honest and real people you'll ever meet. Oh,

SPEAKER_01: 40:29

yeah. I don't have the capacity to sit here and sugarcoat shit in my brain. It's just going to come out exactly how it is.

SPEAKER_00: 40:36

Yeah. It goes back to the impulsivity. Yeah. exactly that and also um we are some of the most inspiring and successful people in the world because of the way that our brain works it works differently than the vast majority of people and because we think so outside of the box people find that to be very inspiring

SPEAKER_01: 40:56

yeah well i think they say that like what is it 90 of entrepreneurs that are successful actually have been clinically diagnosed with ADHD.

SPEAKER_00: 41:07

Yeah, absolutely. Because you're able to like

SPEAKER_01: 41:10

run on, you know, it's like you have multiple screens open in your brain.

SPEAKER_00: 41:15

Absolutely. Like I always call it like filling different cups or different buckets,

SPEAKER_01: 41:20

right?

SPEAKER_00: 41:20

We can multitask better than anybody, you know?

SPEAKER_01: 41:24

That's so funny because if you think about that, like... think about the career choices that we have, right? So like, you know, you do hair, right? So you're actually filling cups. Oh, yeah, legitimately. So that's what you like think of it as. And you're a bartender. But like mostly, like, I mean, prior to like the bartender thing, like I do like finance stuff, right? So it's all like on the computer. So I'm like, I have different tabs open in my brain. So I'm like, literally, it's like a computer in my brain. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 41:55

That's crazy. So many aha moments, you guys. And so it's just like with anything, you guys, it's all on how you look at it. So you can choose to be look at the negatives or say, oh, man, I have this disorder or this label was put on me or why am I this way? Or you could say I'm wildly unique and it's beautiful and I bring an unforgettable energy to every room that I walk in, every space. partner that I've had in my past, you know, friendship, whatever it may be, you know, they're never going to meet anybody like us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 42:32

Well, it just kind of like, it reminds me of like the, that famous line from like Spider-Man, like with great power comes responsibility. And so it's like, no matter what it is that you have, we all have something chemically in our brain that makes us how we are and makes us human. And it's like you can either harness what you have, whether it be ADHD or something else, and make it into your superpower, or you can let it kind of destroy you in some ways. You know what I mean? Absolutely. So you're responsible for yourself and how you carry yourself and how to utilize that. what you have

SPEAKER_00: 43:12

absolutely like look at um what is it elon musk isn't he like um autistic or something yeah i think he has a certain form of like

SPEAKER_01: 43:19

ash burgers or whatever i'm probably not saying that correctly but

SPEAKER_00: 43:22

a lot of the most successful people you guys have these whatever and you know at the end of the day you guys these are all fucking labels this is something somebody slapped a label named it but at the end of the day you guys we're all we're all wildly unique some of us are more alike than the others some of us some of our brains work differently some of us um some of our brains work more the same than or differently than others right but at the end of the day it's it's a label

SPEAKER_01: 43:49

yeah right think about it and if you think about it it's like a lot of time you know we have so much capacity in our brain right so it's like i feel like sometimes little things like this you know it just It takes away from some of the other things, right? So like it takes some shit away from our impulse control, right? It takes away from like our... you know our rationalization

SPEAKER_00: 44:13

yes

SPEAKER_01: 44:13

right but it also gives us more like power in other areas right

SPEAKER_00: 44:20

yeah more ability to multitask more ability to feel more deeply more ability to be able to handle so much more than an average person can like that's where that's another positive i want to just add based off not what i researched but this is my own experience and i know you you're going to agree is that we have the capacity we actually flourish when under pressure oh We flourish in, put me in a very like high pressure, chaotic setting or environment and I will flourish. Oh yeah. Yeah. So not everybody has that. People fold under pressure. We don't fold.

SPEAKER_01: 44:55

Yeah. In fact, I almost fold when I don't have pressure. Yeah, absolutely. Same. And the list is long, but like I'll do a better job in like higher quality work on days like that than I will having like a short list of things that could be done in an hour. I am such a procrastinator that way.

SPEAKER_00: 45:33

I'll procrastinate more if I do that. I absolutely am the same way. I work best under pressure. I work best when I have all... I didn't get to talk to you about it, but I just... Oh man, we are actors. Like actors as in we act on things. It's the impulsiveness, but it can work to your advantage. It's like you said, using it as a superpower. I had a business idea recently and I'm firm... my salon business and I'm gonna run with it I mean I am all in on it and I am going for it completely as you should yeah and not a lot of people don't operate that way you know they'll have an idea and they'll sit on it for 10 years or never do anything about it you know whereas we just act

SPEAKER_01: 46:10

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 46:10

we just we act on

SPEAKER_01: 46:11

shit

SPEAKER_00: 46:11

get after it you know but yeah I do best too when I have the pressure of okay I have this goal I need to obtain that I'm working toward or this um this like i love you know i we both do we have multiple different like businesses in a sense like yeah you have you do mortgage lending you do bartending you have the podcast and then you do other little things i have my sound healing i have my hair salon i have the podcast i have a model here and there like there's so many things and we're still like what else can we do we haven't even scratched the surface of what we're capable of i feel like even like it's crazy And the downfall is sometimes the organization, right? Like we need to just learn how to better organize these ideas that we have in our brain and learn how to better organize them so we can execute them properly and give each thing the right amount of energy. Sometimes that can be challenging.

SPEAKER_01: 47:03

But it's the follow through for me and the consistency. That's where I wish like if there was a pill I could take, which I'm sure there is one out there. If you're already on it, let me know. DM us. But like, you know, something that would just be like no like you're gonna wake up and you're gonna actually do all this shit on your list like you know like and be consistent with it and give it the same energy you gave yesterday and the day before that

SPEAKER_00: 47:26

you know I wonder if that's why some people use drugs like upper drugs that's exactly why people use for

SPEAKER_01: 47:32

the most part but yeah

SPEAKER_00: 47:33

we're to escape other aspects of their life so I know we're gearing toward the end but there was something that I wanted to go into that I feel like we cannot have an episode about ADHD not talk about and since you have more experience with this than me because I I was also diagnosed at a young age, but I never, I never took medication for it. We have to talk about the medication aspect briefly. Um, you, what, like, I don't know if you know this or you have, what medication had, have you taken and, or what did they normally prescribe for this and how did it make you feel? And honestly, we recommend for

SPEAKER_01: 48:07

me, um, yeah. So my personal, you know, experience with it. I was like 13 and I initially got diagnosed with ADD. So it's attention deficit disorder. So it's a little bit There's a lot of the same characteristics, but then there's a lot of things that kind of go in opposite directions as well. So I was misdiagnosed initially.

SPEAKER_00: 48:36

And I think a lot of people that have ADHD have been misdiagnosed with ADD. Yeah. Or vice versa. Or vice versa.

SPEAKER_01: 48:45

Yeah. Because like I said, there's a lot of different things. And, you know, especially when you're young. And the way I saw it was, this was when I was in school and you know, I was a pretty smart kid, you know, like I graduated with a 4.0 GPA, but I would have you know C's and D's throughout the entire semester until the very end and then all of a sudden I would turn in all the late homework assignments and I'd ace the tests and all those things and so they would just say well you know she's lazy and she doesn't pay attention and you know like all those things so they're like ADD you know when in reality it's like my mind is just going 100 miles an hour in a different direction while I'm sitting in that room I can't sit there and watch a presentation and watch this dry as fuck Matthew Yeah, I know. And it just made me a zombie.

SPEAKER_00: 50:00

Yes, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 50:01

Like I was a complete zombie. Like I had no personality, like nothing. And then they changed my medication again. And I will never forget this day. Like I was also going through puberty at the same time. So it was like probably like my second or third period I'd ever had in my entire life. So I was also going through like all the emotions and like hormonal imbalances from that. and then starting this new medication that is also affecting my hormones. And I remember we were going to the movies or something with a group of friends. I was a freshman in high school or sophomore in high school. And I was having the craziest mood swings. And I was just being a fucking bitch to all of my friends. One of my best friends at that time, still like we do not talk because of that day and um yeah like i remember like making her cry over something crazy like who knows but

SPEAKER_00: 51:03

i would just say better to be medicated better to not be you know honestly just in your own

SPEAKER_01: 51:08

personal experience in my personal experience i would say now as an adult i would love to explore that and like actually take the time to go and like find something that will help me kind of regulate my brain a little bit okay I

SPEAKER_00: 51:23

maybe we'll keep you guys posted if, if he does end up doing that.

SPEAKER_01: 51:26

Yeah, I definitely will. Because honestly, I feel like as an adult, it would definitely help me. I feel like as a kid, especially somebody going through puberty to like, you already have so many different things going on. And so much of your brain chemistry is changing constantly that like, how are you ever to find something that is truly going to like help and imbalance when you're stuff's changing

SPEAKER_00: 51:49

everything's still changing and yeah i don't feel like i don't feel like any medication if you can if you can avoid it should be introduced to a growing child teenager's brain because what happens is they build i because i explored this for one of my children um for something different but and even for myself but um especially when you're you're You're developing. Your brain will become dependent on that. And you'll literally be on it for the rest of your life. So me personally... And you guys, once again, obviously we're not doctors. We're just telling you from our own personal experience with it. For me, I personally... And this is just... Everybody has to do what's right for them. What's right for me isn't maybe what's right for you. For me, I personally feel like I... I won't take a medication every day to make me feel okay. Or a certain kind of way. I don't know. I just... For me, I'm going to exactly do what I've been doing, and it's what you said, and just try to use it for good and channel the way that I am and the way that my mind works into positive ways, creative projects, business aspects, different things like that. I will try to avoid that at all costs. And that's just for me. Yeah, I mean, that's just for me, but everybody's different. And I think there's different severity levels to it, I'm sure, too.

SPEAKER_01: 53:09

Oh, for sure. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 53:10

everybody's got a different experience. Some people are more functional. Maybe some people aren't as functional. More high-functioning, over-functioning, under-functioning. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01: 53:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 53:18

I'm sure there's different severities, too. It's crazy. There's a

SPEAKER_01: 53:20

lot of things. But, yeah, I mean, this episode has been, honestly, one of my favorites.

SPEAKER_00: 53:26

I was just going to say, hands down, this so far... to date aside from probably the one we did with Delilah just because I gained so much from that from me and you I mean I think this is my favorite episode

SPEAKER_01: 53:41

yeah definitely one of my faves and just the insights that are in there and just I think learning how people work and like how your brains work really helps make all relationships better and just makes life better and like easier you know and like less judgmental less you know Just... less conflict and things like that when you actually can kind of sit back and say okay this is you know not necessarily how somebody's feeling but maybe like just how their brain is tricking them you know what I mean

SPEAKER_00: 54:13

absolutely and I think everybody has some form of that in one way or another and it could be completely opposite of what we have

SPEAKER_01: 54:20

so we're just out here trying to help spread a little bit of awareness to something that heavily affects us both personally and I know we got a lot out of it and I hope that you guys do too and if you know somebody that's probably struggling with it um or you're struggling with it and you don't know how to voice that to somebody go ahead and share this episode you know and give it a listen and um yeah

SPEAKER_00: 54:43

we're here to help guys we hope that you just like cody said gain something from it and just know you are not alone and um yeah all right

SPEAKER_01: 54:52

well thanks for hanging out with us today guys see ya