Unengaged Podcast
A podcast by best friends Kaleigh & Kodie where we discuss unengaging from the past, healing, and learning from relationship lessons. Raw, real, and unapologetic—because growth isn’t always pretty, but it’s always worth it.
Unengaged Podcast
The Situationship Era is Over—No More Free Trials of My Love
Tired of giving girlfriend energy to someone who won’t even claim you? Same. In this episode, Kodie and Kaleigh go all in on the chaos, confusion, and emotional drain of situationships. From late-night texts to commitment evasion, we’re breaking down the red flags, hard lessons, and why it’s time to cancel those free trials of love—for good.
If you’re in a “what are we?” loop… this one’s for you.
Hey guys, it's Cody and Kaylee. We're back again for another episode of the Unengaged Podcast. We are super excited. I know we kind of cut the last episode off a little quick. We've had all these different ideas kind of floating around and I looked at the clock and I was like, no, there's no way. Situationships deserve the full episode, right? Because what is a situationship other than something wasting your times? So we're here to waste another 30 minutes of your life talking about situationships and just the ins and outs and some of the things that we have learned so that you don't have to.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That way you don't have to waste months, weeks, or years of your life
SPEAKER_01:stuck in one. So Kaylee, let me ask you. What is your definition of a situationship?
SPEAKER_02:It's basically when the person will not commit to you. And when I say commit, I don't even mean a ring. I just mean boyfriend-girlfriend title, I
SPEAKER_01:guess you'd call it. Like you're past the stage where you're no longer just talking. It's been too long for that. Yep. The free trial has ended. Yes. We should be
SPEAKER_02:moving on to the next stage. You should be moving into the next era of the relationship. Or a relationship. Moving into a relationship. It's the relationship without the relationship title. It's basically you're interning to be their girlfriend forever. You're a free intern. You're
SPEAKER_01:an unpaid intern. Yeah, seriously. No, that's exactly what it is. You're doing all the work. It's like you're clocking in every day, but you're getting no actual compensation. There's no contract. Yep. You know, you can be fired at any time. No recourse. Yep. Yeah, no. Situationships are honestly, I think, one of the worst things to come out of our generation.
SPEAKER_02:I think so, too. I would agree. Yeah, it's really sad to all my fellow girlies who have fallen victim to it.
SPEAKER_01:You're not alone. It makes you want to go back to like the Bridgerton days where like, you know, if you looked at somebody for more than 30 seconds, it's make a decision, sir. Are you going to marry me or not?
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Or, you know, we see it in the animal kingdom the way it's supposed to be. It's like the males trying to impress the male, the female, the females just sitting there so unimpressed. And it used to be back in the day where you had to, I mean, to even prove you were worthy of a woman, you had to prove that you had land and assets. You know what I'm saying? I will trade this cow for your daughter. Yeah. I trade goat. I trade goat for your daughter. No. No. But... No. I mean... It's a trap, you guys. Just don't... Don't do it. No.
SPEAKER_01:I think... I think that situationships are truly such a scheme because it's like, what's the point? What are you waiting for at that point? Are you still waiting for something better to come along?
SPEAKER_04:Are
SPEAKER_01:you afraid of commitment? Are you afraid of... losing this person, but then again, not afraid enough to make it yours. Right.
SPEAKER_02:You know, it's like, or is it just that you want to be able to, as they used to say, have your cake and eat it too. Meaning you want this person, you want to be able to have them there for you, call them whenever you want, be, be, have sex with this person regularly. Um, but also if you're out with your boys one night and you meet someone else, um, and you decide to hook up with them, there's no guilt attached to that.
SPEAKER_01:Because
SPEAKER_02:technically, you guys, technicalities are a motherfucker, let me tell you, right? Technically, there'd be nothing wrong with it. But there is.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know. From my own situationships that I've been in, I will tell you, those ones are almost more tumultuous, right? Because, again, and men and women... Gay, straight, whatever. This is all the same. Okay. If you are in a situationship and that is your outlook on it, or maybe this is your first situationship and you really haven't dove into these waters before. Let me tell you that you are more likely to be like, either caught up with somebody's friend, seeing you at a bar with somebody else and sending them a picture immediately, or you're more likely to be called out on, you know, whatever it is that you're doing, not doing. I think even more so in a situation ship because, um, Unless you're in a situationship with somebody who is very, very weak-minded and doesn't have an opinion of their own, you're lucky. But I will tell you that if you're in a situationship with somebody like me and Kaylee or anybody that has two brain cells to rub together, the person you're with, they know what you're doing. And they're judging you. And they've already made up their mind. I feel it's worse. I feel like I would be more... Like, I can't think of the word I'm trying to use, but like, I just, I feel like I would, I would be like, I would be more suspicious of, of somebody that I'm in a situation ship with. Absolutely. Then even like, if you're my girlfriend. Absolutely. Like, I'll trust you if you, if you say you're my girlfriend, like go do what you want to do.
SPEAKER_02:Yep. You know, but if you can't commit to me, I'm like, why? Yeah, exactly. And I think this is where like transparency and dating comes in, you guys. Like, you know, let's say you're out there, you're ready to be physical with someone, but you're not ready to get into a relationship. Let's say you're healing or you're just coming out of a relationship, whatever it may be. Everyone's situation and scenario is different. But I think this is where honesty and communication come in. You know, you have to, if you're going to lay down with somebody, you got to let them know, you know, especially I think with us women, you know, when... You're intimate with someone. Us as women, eventually, if we're being intimate with one person, we're going to develop feelings for that person. This is science-backed. There's something chemically that happens when you're intimate with someone. But I think, yeah, it's the transparency. It's the communication. Hey, I'm letting you know that I'm not looking for anything serious. This is merely going to be physical. And if you are and you're not ready for that... Or you don't want to get involved with someone like that, I understand. Being upfront about it from the very beginning and then keeping that energy if I as a woman decide to move forward. And that's where
SPEAKER_01:I feel like no matter what happens, and I'm speaking from experience.
SPEAKER_02:It gets
SPEAKER_01:messy. Someone develops feelings. It gets messy. Somebody always develops feelings. I mean, for instance, like... I was in a situationship earlier this year or I guess like late last year where it was exactly that. Like I was still healing from my last relationship, whatever. But obviously, yeah, I'm going to go and like chit chat with somebody. I'm not like, you know, like committing myself to celibacy. You're not celibate. Yeah. Which
SPEAKER_02:is for some people do that.
SPEAKER_01:Some people do and to each their own. That's not how I roll. But, you know, it's like I was very upfront about what my expectations of that were. you know, relationship was or a situation chip, right? The other person, what you could have,
SPEAKER_02:what you had to offer and what you couldn't
SPEAKER_01:and where you
SPEAKER_02:were at in your healing. Yeah, exactly. It's like,
SPEAKER_01:and, and I think that again, like that is the true basis of a situation chip, right? Is where one person wants one thing and one person wants something else.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I would urge you, and I'm saying this from experience because I've been in the same situation and actually where I was ready for a relationship and I made that known and the person wasn't and they actually were honest with me about that and I still decided to move forward. And then you guys have to know that if you're ready for a relationship or you can see that with this person and they're telling you that they are not, Mistake number one would be to choose to still move forward in dating them, being physical with them, all that. Even though they've told you this, you guys, that right there is where you need to turn around and look the other way and wait to be intimate with or find someone that is. Because like Cody's saying, someone's going to develop,
SPEAKER_01:you know, it's the classic saying, like, why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? Yeah. Once you're already there down that road with somebody, like there is no reverse, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yep,
SPEAKER_01:exactly. Fully agree. Yeah. So what would you say, like, in that situation? Because I've been on both sides, right? I'm a very empathic person. Like I always feel very fucking guilty when like I'm on either side of that, whether I'm the person that didn't want to move forward when somebody else did, or I'm the person that has all these feelings, but now I feel like I'm imposing them onto somebody else. Right. But it's like, what, what is the correct way to move forward? Like, it's like, once you get to that crossroads where you both want something different, like, is that when you just kind of hit the eject button? Yes. And say like, we're out. Like that's the only go. That is the only ethical thing to do
SPEAKER_02:at that point. Absolutely. That's the only that's the only right thing that there is to do. Yeah. Honestly, you guys, I mean, you're unless you want to waste years or months of your life and a shit ton of heartache in the end. You know, sometimes you guys you meet someone and you're just in you're at two different places in your journey. You know what I mean? It's like, how do you get that person to catch up to where you are, whether you're the person that's ready for something or you're the person that's not. And if you, let's say for instance, you're the person that's not ready for something like in your case, in your situation that you were in and that person maybe was right. Or they were open, they were open to it. Right. I do think that, um, I kind of think like it's the person's also responsibility who isn't. Like you're kind of doing that other person a disservice also by choosing to move forward.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I'm saying? That's true.
SPEAKER_02:No matter how bad you want to be intimate with them. It's like, don't do that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Don't do that either. Like somebody has to hit the eject button. Somebody has to, you know. And if somebody's
SPEAKER_01:hitting the eject button, you guys in these, let them.
SPEAKER_04:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:Let them. Yes. Yes. Because it's like, I mean, I don't know. I feel like I've been on both sides of this, even from like a relationship aspect. Right. Where you break up with somebody and then you get back together and this and that, whatever. Now that I'm older and I've kind of gone through some things, I will tell you the second that you break up with me, I'm done. Like if it was ever if that ever crossed your mind for a second. Yeah. I know that it will at others. And honestly, like that's why it was so easy for me. That's a
SPEAKER_02:good one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Like, I mean, that was something that I'm always the one that like, has to run the well dry you know what i mean like but in this last one you know with my ex like the second that she decided that was what she wanted to do okay that was what was gonna happen no contact we're done come get your shit get the fuck out of my life right you know and i feel like it's the same in situationships you guys like I think because there is no defined role, a lot of people don't know when it truly is over and when it's not. And that's why it's so messy. It's so messy. That's why it's so messy.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, there's a huge aspect to the whole situationship thing also that isn't talked about enough. And it's something that I found interesting. And it's because I was the person on the other side that was ready for a relationship, wanted to be with this person. And I let this go on. You guys, if somebody... Okay. You guys, a man or a woman within the first, I believe... I'll go as far to say within the first 60 seconds. Okay, let's say within the first couple days. The first... month of meeting you, whether you are a man or a woman, you know whether you want a relationship with that person or not. You know whether there's somebody that you're interested in and that you can see some type of future with or not. You guys know that.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:So like, you know, in my case, you guys, Have enough. We have to look at the part we played in it. Okay. So I look at, I have to look at where was my worthiness level at that time when this started. And, you know, that's a me problem. That isn't, this person is not the villain because they did this to me. It's I'm the fucking problem because I allowed it and I didn't respect myself enough to pull the eject button a month in, two months in, six months in, a year in. What?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What?
SPEAKER_01:Well, you know, we all know our worth, but sometimes we go on sale,
SPEAKER_02:right? But girls, like we have to like value yourself. If you're caught up in a situation with somebody that you love that won't be with you, And I know so many women are. It's a huge thing right now. It's like you're doing all the girlfriend things without the title. You know, we talk, we vibe, we sleep together, but we're not together. You know, you deserve to be chosen. We all deserve to be chosen. I
SPEAKER_01:feel like everybody that I know right now is like in such extremes. Like I'm thinking about this as you're saying that. It's like everybody I know that's our age right now is either like happily married to like somebody they've been with for like, eight to 10, 15 years, whatever, you know what I mean? Or they're just like straight up out there, like treading fucking water, trying to be able to keep trying to get a little bit of like attention every now and then, you know, it's like, why is there no in between, you know, like, but Literally, though, I feel like I don't even know a lot of people that are just dating right now, like are in like a relationship. Officially, like maybe like they're either married or they're like constantly in a talking stage with somebody. Constantly in a talking stage with somebody. That's me. I mean, that's me right now. I'm pretty much that person. I haven't dated anybody since my last thing, but constantly in a talking stage with somebody, which I'm okay with, you know, because like I know deep down, like I don't necessarily see myself committing to something right now. I'm trying to commit to myself a little bit. So like as
SPEAKER_02:much as sometimes it may suck when you go on those shitty dates, you're okay with it because you know you're not there yet to be in a relationship. What about when you get to a point where you've healed and you are in a place where you are ready to find somebody and you find yourself where you are now. I'll let you know when I get there. No,
SPEAKER_01:I
SPEAKER_02:don't know. I mean, like I've been there and it just it fucking sucks.
SPEAKER_01:You guys like I feel like right now I am in such a moment where like I'm not gonna lie. Like I've, you know, been out there. I've been talking to a couple of people here and there and like there's some good quality people out there. But do I go out of my way to try and find, you know, like what we said, the icks? You know, I kind of do. And I definitely have, like, seen them. I might be looking in the bushes trying to find them really hard because I don't want to see them three years down the road, five years down the road. But I don't know. It's hard. It's hard to say. But I feel like I'm also the kind of person to where, like, I'm not afraid to say that I want something. You know what I mean? Even though I've been in such a space for now almost a whole year where I know I don't want anything, but I feel like if I did, I wouldn't be afraid to say it. Absolutely. Or go after it. And I feel like there's a lot of people that are.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. But again, I'm so open. Well, because they do it because they're in fear of pushing the person away because so many people nowadays in the dating world are, they it's like you sent me you sent me like a little meme reel and it said you want to lose a guy what did it say like losing a guy in
SPEAKER_01:10 days
SPEAKER_02:yeah
SPEAKER_01:how to lose a guy in 10 days it's like text them back regularly yeah text them
SPEAKER_02:back regularly tell them you're interested in them show them you care about them and it like things of that nature
SPEAKER_01:because that is the how to lose a guy in 10 days like for our generation but that's why people don't
SPEAKER_02:want to truly say that they are looking for love or that they're ready to be with someone and all those things is because in fear of pushing them away. But then what happens then? Then you end up getting hurt because in your heart, you know, your heart is open and you are ready for that. But you're over here entertaining other shit that is never going to take you there. So you have to live your truth. And if it does push away men, then those weren't the right men for you anyway. So fuck it.
SPEAKER_01:You know, that's kind of like, I don't know. Like I think about it and like now being, you know, 30 in my 30s, right? You know, I truly have like kind of taken account of all of the people that have been like real big players in the game in the last 10, 15 years. And it's like, okay, was there ever a person and think about this for yourself too, right? Was there ever a person that you really, really wanted it to work with, but it didn't just click automatically and no matter how much time you spent on it, Did it work out? Probably not. That's like a thousand
SPEAKER_02:percent. No.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Like if it doesn't just work out right off the bat and it's not necessarily like just fireworks right at the beginning, like all that's exactly what the situationship thing is about. Like if it doesn't come off the bat and the both of you aren't like on the same page and we want this right now, this very second can't not have it. It never works
SPEAKER_02:out. No. It doesn't. You guys, when something is right and I could tell you because of the person that I'm seeing now, obviously it's been beautiful with him. It's been like I– it's just– it's honestly been super magical. I mean, and all of that. It's been amazing. And let me tell you, I have been in the trenches the past couple years with dating and situationship, you know, said situationship and things like that. Yeah. And I can just tell you, obviously, I'm on the other side of it now, and I'm letting you know that when something is right, you guys, you won't be looking for it. You won't be looking for it. You're going to just be at a point where you're just happy and you're enjoying your life, and it's just going to come. The cliche thing that they say, when you're not looking is when it comes, I can tell you is 1,000% true. And then when that person does come into your life, there's an ease and a flow to it. Look at anything you've done in life, you guys, whether it be like anything that you've done and it's gone really good. If it's a choosing to start your own business, if it's like a business decision, if it's moving into that place, but whatever it is, you guys, the way the universe works, like there is a flow to
SPEAKER_01:it, an effortless flow. When you get pushback, let it push you back because you're not meant to go that way.
SPEAKER_02:No, you know. no anything that is forced you guys is not meant for you i'm telling you that i'm speaking from experience and your person your person that you're meant to be with is on the other side of you letting the person you're not meant to be with it's it's you it's always the one you guys that isn't meant to be, that we want to be so bad, but we know in our heart it's not meant to be, but we ignore all the gut feelings, all the pushbacks, all the red flags, because we want it to be them so badly. I'm here to tell you that your person is on the other side of you letting that person go. Also, letting that person go, working on yourself, getting to a place where you're just genuinely happy And then that person's going to come into your life. I understand that it doesn't happen the same for everybody. But I do think that if you look at it, it does happen this way for a lot of the happiest relationships that do happen. And it does. And there's just, there's a flow to it. You've seen it, Cody, with me and, you know, my, call them the knight, the knight in shining armor. Yeah, no, absolutely. It's just been, you guys, there's no... We don't, there's no efforting anything. I'm telling you, it just completely flows and it does exist. You guys. And like you girls that, you know, that you girls that want to be treated, right. You want the princess treatment. You want someone that's gonna, gonna be intentional about spending time, communicate their feelings, plan things, you know, um, have you be able to feel like you're taken care of emotionally and physically it exists there is men out there that are like that but the problem is is we attract what we are yeah we attract what we are so what are you right now yeah
SPEAKER_01:you know exactly you know and that's even like why like I'm so open about being like I'm not ready for anything right now. Like, yeah. Am I ready to like have fun and like, you know, maybe find myself in a situation job right now? Absolutely. But I say that because I'm like, I'm not necessarily looking for, you know, the perfect person right now because I don't feel like I'm the perfect person. Exactly. Like I'm not. You're honest about that though. Exactly. And like, that's the thing is that it's like, Hey, just be honest with where you're at. Be honest with your intentions. And like, I don't know. But back on the same track of like the whole situationship piece of it. It's like I have never ever in my life in all of the situationships I've been in made somebody fall in love with me during month three, you know, or month six or a year in. That either happens in the first month or it doesn't. Damn. Like, I mean,
SPEAKER_02:so fucking true.
SPEAKER_01:It is. It's like if you haven't when you know,
SPEAKER_02:you know. Yeah. It's that saying. It's so true. When you know, you know. You know whether you're going to... Maybe because some people are different. I mean, you are lovers. Maybe for some people it takes them a little longer. Even if it does, you know within the first month whether that's going to be someone that you could see yourself falling in love with or not. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:absolutely i just watched that movie um the life list never wait what is it about it's it's a netflix movie and it's super super cool i it's so it's about um this girl and like long story short like her mom dies right and her mom is like super rich like has this big company whatever that she's part of i've seen that yeah i did watch that and then she dies but she basically like gives her a list that the daughter herself wrote for herself when she was like 13 of like all like the things she Yeah, like it was her life list. It was the list of the things that she wanted in life. And none of them she had really accomplished at that point. And she was probably like 30 something at that point.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So she literally in her will, when she dies, um, cuts her off from the will, like cuts her off from her job, all these companies, the mom owns a company and then basically sends her on this like quest to go and like find all these things and kind of just find herself again. Um, and of course the very last thing on the list was finding true love, you know? And she basically said like, if you get all these done within a year, then you'll get your inheritance. Right. And then with each one that she completed she like made like a cool little video with it to encourage her to keep going I won't spoil the ending of the movie but one of the things that came up in there is this test that the mom had given to the other to the other daughter and she basically said like how do you know like when it's true love and it's like what was it like you know can you tell this person everything in your heart you know you know are they kind Um, do you see yourself, do you see that person being like the father or mother of your children? Right. You know what I mean? And then I forget what the fourth one was. I'm going to look it up. Look it up. But basically like, that's the thing. It's like, you have to ask yourself all those questions. Now, mind you, um, Like I said, I got a couple of irons in the fire right now. So since watching that movie, I've asked myself this question about all of those people. And I probably have nosed at least three of those four questions. So I know there's nothing taken off from the tarmac over here. But yeah, did you find it? What's the fourth question? I
SPEAKER_02:don't think this is it. Was the movie called He's
SPEAKER_01:the One? No, it's The Life List. Let me see. I'm going to find it. Okay. Poor questions. Literally, this was the first one to pop up. Okay. Yeah. It's number one, is he kind? Number two, can you tell him everything in your heart? Oh, this is number three. Does he help you become a better version of yourself? Okay, let's put emphasis on that part. Go, say it again. That's the biggest one right there. Does he help you become a better version of yourself? He or she. He or she. And then number four was, can you imagine him as the father of your children? So that could go either way as well. But I think that those are the four questions, you guys. I mean, I know I'm literally stealing this from a movie, so they get all the credit. But absolutely, you have to ask yourself those kinds of questions. Otherwise, if there's any no's to those four, you're not stepping into a relationship. You're stepping into a situationship. Or a lesson. Yeah, which I think most situationships end up to be.
SPEAKER_02:How, now with what you've learned... How do you feel like once you do get to a point where you are ready to be with someone, let's say someone comes into your life, what would you add to that list? How would you know or what would be a question you would ask yourself or like how would you know that that person is
SPEAKER_01:the one? Honestly, I mean, for me, I like basically took those four questions and I thought about my ex, you know, whom I almost married. And There was one question in there that I said no to. The other ones were all 100% yeses. There was one, which was... the one that you wanted to emphasize, does this person make you a better version of yourself? That was a no, because I, again, kind of rolling back to like our guest episode that we had with Coach D, like there's some people, you know, pull you down when you're trying to pull them up. And that was kind of the situation that I found myself in there. So, I mean, I think that those four questions are pretty solid. I agree. It's hard to kind of add one to it, but I guess if I had to, gosh, I don't know. I know. I'm sitting here trying to ask myself the same thing. Yeah. Like, I guess I would ask, like, does this person fit into my family?
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:You know, because that's something that's very important to me. Right. Specifically. So that's not necessarily, you know, always important to everyone. But like I would say that was also kind of the biggest thing that I found in that where like she fit into my family. I didn't fit into hers.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. I have one that you have. actually have told me before and it made me think and it this is kind of a it may sound simple but i don't know why for some reason it stuck with me and like you told me this so you can ask yourself this about the person that you're with or that you're dating or whatever um is that like like are you gonna be excited to ever are you gonna be excited to go to their family's house at christmas Like which falls into what you're saying, right? So the point of that question is, is like how do your– if family is really important to you, like how do your– and is family important to them? And if it is, how do your families like going to mesh? Are
SPEAKER_01:you ever going to be– Yeah, how they
SPEAKER_02:integrate. Yeah, how they integrate and like are you ever going to– like were you– because that's honestly not fair to the person either. Like let's say– I don't know. They've got a fucked up family or some messed up family dynamics.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, I could tell you like from experience with mine, like, you know, with my last relationship, I will tell you that from her words, the best three Christmases she had her whole life were with me and my family.
SPEAKER_03:And
SPEAKER_01:I know that that was 100% true because... If we even did celebrate with her family, which we were, I was always like, hey, like, are we going to get together? Like, what are we doing for Thanksgiving? Are we going, you know, spending this day with them and this day with my family? Like, what are we going to do? And like, literally, like, you know, Christmas, December, right? Okay, my birthday is in March and like her birthday was in October. For some reason, we would always end up getting together around like my birthday and she would get her birthday gift and her Christmas gift at the same time. every single time
SPEAKER_00:yeah
SPEAKER_01:and it was so sad and you know and it's like it's not like they lived like across the country or something they lived like two hours away
SPEAKER_00:yeah
SPEAKER_01:I made that drive to go and see her every time she was there you know
SPEAKER_00:yeah
SPEAKER_01:I'd make that drive two times a day you know what I mean if I needed to and so it's just like little things like that where I think I kind of conditioned myself with that you know for a long time to be like oh cool well I don't have to like share time like with my family like I get to spend all the time in the world with my family which was super important to me yes and all of that and she never really she never really said if it bothered her or not and her family never really showed initiative to want to do anything even when we would invite them to my stuff or say hey do you want us to come up there or anything like that it was never a priority but you know I should have thought about that like yeah but like it's like I don't even like really like I didn't know her family and like yeah It was kind of, you know, I don't know. It was always kind of very, very surface level, very like synthetic to me. Yeah. I don't know if that's the right word. No, totally. I think it totally fits. It just, it very, very much so. I feel like my family was very, very authentic and very, very welcoming and like very loving towards her. And like her family was just very fake.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. It's like, how is their family? Can you imagine yourself spending holidays there? Are they good people?
SPEAKER_01:Well, it's like my thing. Like, I'm like, I would never want like her parents to watch our kids overnight. You know what I mean? That's another good one. Where I'm like, okay, like that's a red flag, I guess. You know, where I'm like, I would feel comfortable leaving my child with my mom or my grandma
SPEAKER_02:for
SPEAKER_01:a
SPEAKER_02:month. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think there's so many other things that could be added to that list. Um, I think for me, honestly, like the most important thing that I have learned from my past relationship, um, experience, situation ship slash did turn into a relationship for a short amount of time. But, um, was that you need to, you need to ask that person, what do they want for their, you need to make sure your future is aligned. Oh yeah. Like that is so important. You guys like, What is it that they want? How do you see your life? Where do you see yourself living? What do you want out of life? What's your five-year plan? Seriously, you got to make sure what they want for their future and what you want for yours aligns, you guys. And let's say they don't know. Fucking run. Because some people are just gliding through life, not knowing what the fuck they're doing or where they're going. And you might not be where you want to be right now, but you should have an idea of where you want to be. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:No, that is way true. And I will tell you from my own inexperience that I had to my prior relationship is I looked at that as like, oh, cool. I don't have to compete with what you want. Like you're just going to hop right on my train and just kind of be a cheerleader for me. But at the same time, I'm like, okay, well, again, I go back to what Coach D told us. Like it's very easy for somebody to pull you down up off your chair than for you to pull them up to you. Yep. And that's exactly what ended up happening with that, you know, is that. I had the same experience in my last. It's the, it's the, the. A cheerleader is
SPEAKER_02:cool, you guys, but. That's what your friends are for, you guys. Thank you. That's what your friends are for. And it was like, it was like, well, it was like also like, what did you tell me? You're like, get a fucking emotional support dog. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:No, seriously, get yourself a dog, get yourself a good, you know, friend or two and get yourself some batteries and you'll be just as fulfilled with less drama. So true. Swear to God. Like,
SPEAKER_02:it's like, yeah, it's like I'm not here looking for somebody to cheer for me and be my cheerleader. I mean, I had to learn that the hard way, but. I'm going to learn that he does. Yeah. But like, I'm not looking for a cheerleader that's going to support and cheer for me on the sidelines and go, yay, Kaylee, I love everything you're doing. I support you. That's great. You guys, I'm looking for someone to be stand in the trenches with me and build together because otherwise it's, Is that person lifting you up? Are they inspiring you? Are they inspiring you? Are they bringing out the best in you? Or are they bringing you the fuck down? And I'm sorry there is no in between. What is going on? You have to look at that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. If you're not inspiring me, I don't have any interest at this point. I'm sorry, but I am officially that person that when I'm on hinge or whatever the fuck it is, I literally look. I go, okay. They're attractive. Cool. Moving on. All right. How old are they? Reasonable age. Great. Moving on. Okay. How tall are they? Because honestly, that matters. I don't care what anybody says. It matters. Oh, fuck yeah. Pass that vibe check. What's your occupation? Okay. If you don't have something that is within the same tax bracket as me or you don't have it listed because you're not proud of it, I don't want it. Like, I don't want any part of that. I'm too old to be, you know, hanging out with somebody through their I don't know phase. Yep. Because I don't want to be part of your I don't know phase.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you. God. Yeah, it's so fucking true. Yeah, I mean, that's the truth, man. No more. No more of any of that. And the moment you declare no more, you guys, and you put your foot down and you stop accepting all of this shit... that you don't want and that you know you deserve better and you declare it, it is literally the law of the fucking universe. It has to be. It will be given to you. Yeah. It will. It will.
SPEAKER_01:It's absolutely true. Absolutely true. And I mean, you know, like I'm trying to make a lot of changes right now. I'm like in a very like change phase of my life. And I'm seeing that right now where I'm like, okay, where am I spending the most of my time? Like where am I and how am I meeting people? Is that where I'm going to meet somebody of quality? Like, you know, probably not. So it's like I'm trying really hard to like change that around and like not be found in the same rooms as I have been looking for something different. Like, you know, like you can't go into the toy aisle at Target and find, you know, a bra. Like it's not there, you know, like you got to keep looking. You got to go to the right section for what you're shopping for.
SPEAKER_02:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:That's true too. Sometimes you're not even shopping and it finds you. I know. See, and that's the thing. Sometimes, you guys, sometimes you get lucky. And most of the time, if you're that lucky... It's because you're Kaylee. Not probably like me. They'll figure it out someday. I'll let you know when. Luck has nothing to do with it. Luck favors the prepared, remember? Oh, yeah. You were prepared for it. You were just trying to prep somebody else at the time. Oh, the wrong, yeah. But, yeah. So what would you say if you had one last thing to tell somebody that's about ready to get into a situationship? What's your one piece of advice?
SPEAKER_03:I
SPEAKER_02:would say like upgrade your worthiness. Upgrade your worthiness. And the longer you stay, the harder it's going to be to leave. And I would just say pull the ejection cord now. Do not wait till later. And if it's been hard all this time and you can't get them on the same page and... Like we said, there's not a flow to it. There's no ease to it. It's just difficult from the very start, you guys. It's because it's not meant for you. So please just let it go. Let it go and save yourself a world of heartache. And I don't care if you've been in a situationship for five years. Actually, I met someone that had been in a situationship for five years.
SPEAKER_01:For five fucking years? For five
SPEAKER_02:years.
SPEAKER_01:Whew. Yeah. That deserves an award of some sort. I know. I thought... I thought I deserved an award. That sounds like one of those Mr. Beast challenges. Have you ever seen those? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like stay in this room with these three things for 30 days and you'll get a million dollars.
SPEAKER_02:Like that's where you guys just don't do it. Don't do it. Walk away. And then just so you know, if you do walk away, also know that you're going to be tested and that they will come back. They're going to come back. They're going to circle back around. And all that is is it's a test, you guys. It's a test to ask you, do you really want what you say you want? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Are you willing to settle some more? Are
SPEAKER_02:you willing to settle some more? Oh, you're willing to settle for some more? Okay. How much longer? It's all up to you. When are you going to let it go? Let it go.
SPEAKER_01:You can't let anything sit where it is. You know what I mean? Like you can't let yourself settle. Otherwise, you'll be settling for the rest of your life. And that means that, you know, You're settling, that person is settling, your kids are going to be settling, like all those different things. And, you know, it might end up being one of the biggest mistakes you make, you know, and it's something that you can't take back, which is time, right? Like we said in a couple episodes ago, like, you know, the only thing that they're not making any more of is time, right?
SPEAKER_04:yeah
SPEAKER_01:so once it's gone it's gone and you know we just got to do the most with what we have and do the things that ultimately make us happy and bring us to our full potential and it's not in a situation chip
SPEAKER_02:no it's not you guys you deserve better you deserve better and i think that's it for this episode you guys i hope that you enjoyed it and that you um That you learned something from it. And yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I think that there's a lot to be learned from this conversation. And, you know, like... Send it to your friends if they're stuck in a situationship and you're tired of giving the same advice over and over again. Maybe they just need to hear it from somebody else. So go ahead, share this one with your friends or give us some feedback. We're here to listen to all your stories about situationships as well.
SPEAKER_02:Yep. And follow us on Instagram, unengagedpodcast. And as always, thank you to our listeners for listening to us every week. Please like, subscribe, all the things. We're on every platform now. Give us a thumbs up. Give us a little five-star rating and we will catch you again next week.
SPEAKER_04:All right.
SPEAKER_02:Bye, guys. Bye.
