SPEAKER_00: 0:34

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Unengaged. This is your co-host Cody and I have Kaylee here with me. We are here. We're excited. Today is another jam-packed episode. Yep, we've got some good topics. Yeah, Kaylee picked this one out and I'm actually just as excited to talk about this too. So yeah, I think we're gonna have a fun one for you this week. So yeah, take it away. Let's talk about after being in a long-term relationship, being single again, and what that looks like As it pertains to dating, you guys. Refilling the roster, as Cody calls it. Yeah. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I love baseball, softball, pretty much anything sports related. So yeah, the roster reference, I know that's kind of something that's like a, you know, like a normal. Like a fuck boy term. Like a little fuck boy term, but I love it. And I use it all the time. I don't care if people think it's weird. I'm, you know, hey, whatever. Some people are in a space in their life where a roster is warranted. I think as long as there's honesty included with it, you know, we're all adults Right. Yeah. You know, sometimes there's fuck boy uses for it, but I don't like to do that. I'm pretty honest about what I got going on with the people that are involved. But, you know, that sounded a little much more than I wanted it to actually. My bad. It's not a big roster, but, you know, there's people on it trying out for the team. We'll just say that. Okay. Oh, man. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. How it is for you. But I know like for me, when I was first entering into my singledom after being my disengagement it was disheartening i mean is a word i like to use i mean i don't know we also live in a small town so i think that might be part of it but even from talking to people that live in other bigger cities you guys especially like because i was for six years in that relationship let me tell you guys things have changed just even in the six years. Like, and three, you know, like I was an expert three and yeah, it's definitely changed. I mean, I don't know. Like, like I think this was the first time in my life where I truly was like, God, am I old? You know? Yeah. Because I was like looking at myself in the mirror. I'm like, I don't think I look different. I think I look a little better now, actually, to be honest. Yeah. But I was just like, what? I'm just saying, I think almost like, you know, because, okay, for me, it's a little bit different, right? Like, it's a little easier for you to like find people out in the wild.

UNKNOWN: 2:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 2:59

i truly like almost every time like have to be on like a dating app because you would think it would it's not men are intimidated by me okay but at least you know like what you're hunting for okay like i'm not intimidated by damn near anybody and that seems to be the problem okay is that my biggest problem is i'm not too scared to go and talk to you but like again disheartening when you like go and find you know what you think is going to be the next love of your life and she's straight as a board you know what i mean like there's no that's hard it's hard i feel like people who are bi or gay should like wear a special bracelet or something that way the other people who are also gay or bi know that you're down we need like gang signs or something yeah like in the club you know like maybe like a certain like like i don't know something like some type of little call or something but like that's the thing is like I mean, honestly, and don't come for me, but, like, I feel like you can tell, like, a gay guy a mile away. You know what I mean? Like, there is no... That's true. I feel like you can tell a little more. You can kind of sniff it out. But, like, unfortunately... With women, it's different. It's different. Because, I mean... You're right. Guys, I played softball for fucking 20 years. I couldn't tell you the ones that were gay versus the other until it was already going down. So, like... That could be confusing. My gaydar is horrible. it is i've told you that before but also women are confusing because we've like gone out and you've like been into certain girls and you're like am i tripping you're like nah and i'm like no yes i'm like you're not tripping like she's flirting with you like she's for sure bi at minimum and then like it turns out not to be and i'm like i don't know how you do this yeah it's a lot of catch and release yeah like and then my issue that i found or at least the feedback that i've gotten from men um has been that i'm intimidating and like i've asked why and they tell me because i'm so beautiful supposedly no they say yeah i know right who says that but you only know how to flirt with ugly girls i know right well i think men tend to go after what's easy and i think it's like not only when a girl's beautiful um i think it's also like i think i have this confidence and sureness about me that maybe not a lot of women have like some of them do but maybe some of them don't um and then on top of that like when you meet me like i have my shit together and i have bring things to the table which you guys i know you're like everything you're rattling off sounds like a positive right you think but no not in the dating world it's not a positive well those are all things that intimidate men well are they intimidating or are they emasculating You know what I'm saying? Good one. I think maybe you're exposing some flaws. Yeah, I think so. I think too. Like I've done a lot of the fucking inner work. And so I think when men who don't haven't done any work and don't have their shit together or think that they're going to come in and they're going to run game on you and they meet me and it's like I give off that vibe and that energy. No, honey, like we're not doing that here. You know, it's not going to happen. I'm too smart for this. You're showing the flaws. Exactly. I think it's like a mirror. Yeah. I think that there's something to that, like with, um, now that we've gone through like intimate, very, um, you know, serious relationship. I'm sorry. I could just feel that this is going to be such a good episode. You guys, I'm like feeling it. Okay. Sorry. Go ahead. But yeah. So what I was going to say is like, you know, I feel like when you've been in such like an intimate and like serious relationship and like, you know, yeah. Okay. We're not going all the way. I mean, you've been married before. I didn't, but you know, it's like once you get past a certain level of comfort with somebody and you truly get to see all the things that are behind door number one, two, and three, like all of a sudden, you know, there's a certain level of bullshit that you just don't, don't tolerate anymore or like you're not even attracted to. Cause you're like, I just had somebody, you know, plan half a wedding with me, you know, and like sign leases and have a dog and, you know, pick out names for our future children and all that kind of shit. If you can't decide if you want to hang out with me on Thursday or not, because you might have something, you know, going on or you can't even, you can't even plan the date. You're not impressing me much, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's like, it's not hitting for me. That's not attractive because at the end of the day, I'm like, okay, well, if you won't, somebody else will, you know, like that's kind of where I'm at. And dating is hard. There's a lot of unsureness. My gosh, you guys, because look, and it might be different for you with women probably not though but the thing about it and i think we have talked about this before is they've just made it too easy you guys people like 20 years ago you used to have to put out an ad in the paper they used to have to submit an ad in the paper single woman searching for single man you know in their 30s whatnot right now it's not like that now it's at the tip of the fingertips they just gotta slide in the dm and there's you know which you know they're gonna go on tiktok and hit up the girl they're gonna go on snapchat chat i mean i'm not saying you can't meet the love of your life on one of these platforms but what i'm saying is you guys at least with men you know they're just total they're disappointments have you ever heard that song pina colada Which one? If you like pina

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coladas.

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Yeah, that one. Yeah. You know that that's what that song's about. About what? It's that's literally him breeding the ad of like what he's looking for. And then he finds another ad in the paper that is like asking for all the same things. And then he goes and like follows that ad to go and like find this other girl and then finds out it's his wife. No. Or like his girlfriend. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. He puts out an ad and then he finds this other ad and like their ads like match up. no yeah or have you ever been like swiping on a dating app and you see someone that you're like that person is in a relationship or that person is married oh my god okay so I have one when I was first first like single right I think it was like a month in that I was like all right you know what maybe I'll try right you know and I lasted on this app for not even 10 minutes yeah because I've done that before I found my ex on there you did I remember that and her profile picture on there was in our kitchen Oh, that's right. And had a picture. Our engagement photos were in the background. Like she was too slow. I remember this. And I'm like, you bitch. Like anybody who zooms in on that is going to see that. At least I had the decency to like take a new photo. Yeah. It wasn't like a photo she took of you. You know? but that's just bad to you like I mean Jesus like if I was that person I would be like looking at that and like okay yeah like you're a very attractive woman all right swipe right but it's like you look for a deep second to be like okay you know I don't know this is me I do do this because I'm on dating apps because honestly like I said you know it's a small you know yeah for you it's different because you can't tell whether they're into women or not yeah when you're in a small town we're already swimming in a very small pond Mine, as a gay woman in a small town, it is a muddy puddle. And most of them are people that I've already dated or have dated people that I've dated. So, you know what I mean? It's like there's a lot of crossing of wires around here. Yep. Thank God my parents weren't born here. Otherwise, half of them would be my fucking cousins. You know, I'm just saying. It's not that bad, you guys. No, it'd be that bad sometimes. But anyway, you know, it's like I do be looking, you know. Somebody swipes on me and I'm looking and I'm like, okay. You know, I'm looking at how old are they? All right. You pass that vibe check. What's your, uh, your job title? You know, if you pass that vibe check, okay, you're in the tax bracket I'm trying to be in, you know, like, and then the next thing is like, okay, it should make you have to verify your income. It's like, what's your son sign? Okay. That seems compatible. All right. You're not a Gemini or a Libra. Pass the vibe check. Okay. There we go. Now I'm looking at all the photos on there and I'm like, and if it looks like you're, you know, in your bedroom and it's dirty as fuck and like, yeah, haven't done laundry all week swipe left no oh yeah especially if like you're not even conscious i mean don't get me wrong okay do i have laundry i need to put away right now hell yeah am i gonna have that be in my profile you're at least gonna clear it out of the way before you take the picture you guys people aren't even putting effort into these pictures and some of these people i'm like girl at least put like a funny caption like you know need someone to come over and help me with laundry like you know like okay i'll color coordinate your closet you need someone that's down for me to wash and yeah exactly but there's just zero effort to it or it's like done in like a gas station bathroom with like graffiti fucking in the mirror it's like where are you yeah what are you doing you thought that was cute like no or like there's way too many filters and mind you i don't mind a little bit of a little editing just for a polished look you guys um but you guys know what i'm talking about i'm talking about there that like they got like the it's practically one step above the dog filter Literally. Yeah, absolutely. And how about okay, for me, what I look because I've dabbled with those dating apps over the years, you guys, and I just I cannot I never have lasted long with them. I've tried a couple different ones. And I've done ones where I literally 10 minutes and I'm like, no, I'm already getting messages, just disgusting messages from nasty dudes. And I'm like, I'm not with this. And I delete it. I would like a disgusting message every now and then, to be honest with you. No, especially when it's an unwarranted D pick. Like sometimes I think you guys, I'd be getting those, um, on my hair salon Instagram. Oh really? Yeah. I just got one like a week ago and I'm like, what is this? That's something to me that I don't understand. And you're going after, you're like hitting me up on my business page. Okay. This isn't even my personal page. How do you know my assistant isn't looking at this? Exactly. But, um, yeah, I look on there and red flag number one. I mean, if I just think if you're a man, you shouldn't be using filters. I don't know. Maybe. Really? Yeah. Like when a guy, do you know what I'm talking about though? When a guy's using like, all his pictures are like the Snapchat filters. Like overly. See, I don't like that. To me, I guess I don't really notice that because I'm only like looking at like chicks on there, right? You know, and they all have a filter of some sort. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Like, I mean, but if you think about it, it's like makeup is also a filter. That's true. Girls wear a filter in the wild. I don't know, man. I just like my men rugged and real and raw. you know well you know i mean that's cool too i mean i see it but yeah i don't know i mean but the overly filtered yeah i don't think i've ever seen an overly filtered guy though what does that even look i know i was trying to pull one up on instagram right now example here i know i'm trying to pull up an example for her you guys hold on let me see there is you girls know if you're single you know the men that are using too many filters that's a red flag I agree. The dirtiness in the background, like the dirty room with the clothes everywhere. It's like you're kind of you have like this is supposed to be like you have you for sure have like mental health issues if you're doing that. I mean, I have mental health issues and my room is most likely dirty right now. I mean, not too dirty as yesterday. Yeah, but there's like the good kind of mental health issues. But I'm not going to let y'all know that. Like a little OCD, you know, if the room. I have OCD. I have OCD and ADHD. Yeah. I have all the mental illnesses that make you successful. Yeah. Me too, me too. No, but yeah, I can't. Successful in life, not relationships. Let's just put that out there. Yeah, we're still working on that one. Still working. When was the last time you went on a first date? Oh my gosh. first dates from here are like weird right now yeah I don't know it was a while ago but yeah they're usually it's rare that they're not a little awkward yeah for sure yeah I just wanted to make sure that that wasn't just me because I'm like I've been on a couple and it's like weird yeah you know I'm like okay like well and I know we've talked about like dates yeah but like it's like how do you size that up you know what I mean like how casual are we trying to be right now like you know I have a first date on Tuesday, actually. Oh, my gosh. I'm like, yeah, Monday, tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I'm going to go. I don't think she was planning it. Who's planning the date? Well, lightly, I think I kind of did. We kind of planned it together. Okay. This has been a weird interaction, actually. And I don't even think that she even knows that I have a podcast. Okay. Well, tomorrow she will. Yeah. So said person. Let's just call her lucky. that might work out i don't know um yeah this person uh met her on hinge she's okay i'm like uh selena is like out there that's where she lives now oh no no but she's like actually like a really cute girl she's a horse trainer oh okay yeah so like a little cowboy that's right up your alley yeah so i'm like okay like let's see like i'm down like we'll try this out but like the country folk man them cowboys and cowgirls they date different yeah this is my first one in a while I think the last time that I like I think you need that yeah something different someone with a little decorum everything different something with a little decorum you know it's something that I noticed like that's different I don't know if this is like just like us at this age or if this is weird but like um like she doesn't really text me she's probably busy she's not a big texter yeah she's totally busy she have kids no oh not that I know of yeah we'll find out tomorrow I don't know if she has kids she doesn't know I have a podcast you know what I mean yeah we haven't gotten that deep because again we don't really text but like she was the one that was like hey like we should go on a date yeah okay cool yeah like you know I'm down whatever can't hurt you know we're gonna go to that place uh that we went to and after the thing I had a feeling you were gonna say that even though you didn't tell me I had what's the name of that place again I mean still is that what it was called yeah okay that place is really cool I like that place yeah we're going to go there. Um, I, I like, you know, kind of referred that place because she was like oh we should go somewhere like in between like Salinas and Hollister yeah if you guys are aware of the geography pretty much the only thing between Salinas and Hollister is Prunedale and uh yeah that's not a good place for a first date that's not even a good place to stop for gas yeah so um so I'm like no offense if you live in Prunedale I'll come to you you know if you do live in Prunetucky and want to move uh let me know I do loans I can help no but uh Yeah. So we're going to go there. Well, that's exciting. I love, honestly, I love that feeling though, of that excitement and the combination of the adrenaline and the nervousness that you have before a first date. Like, I don't know, man. It just makes you feel like you're alive, you know? Yeah. It's cool. Like, that's what living... Yeah, you're alive. I was just calling it anxiety, but, you know, like... I don't know. Maybe this is how I sugarcoat it to myself. Maybe I lied to myself. But, again, it's that ADHD mixed with OCD, you know? Yeah. And the anxiety, you know? Yeah. Like, all the... My anxiety. I'm trying these. You see? How does this work? I don't know. It's really popular. But, yeah. So... like I was like thinking about like okay well what am I gonna wear right and again like you know me like I'm pretty like country-ish right you know what I mean like kind of like redneck a little bit but no you're not I don't feel like you are I'm not like I've never ridden a horse in my life you know so I can't really necessarily put myself in that category can somebody please oh well look at you're going on a date with a cowgirl tomorrow like can someone please take this woman out on a first date going horseback riding that'd be a dope first date I'm terrified of horses well if you're gonna date a cowgirl you can't be yeah she's gonna come home smelling like them every day just kidding seriously um but uh yeah so i'm like dude like is it gonna look like weird if i wear wranglers you know i was like talking to one of my friends about this and she's like dude but you wear them every day and i'm like i say i don't want to look like i'm trying too hard and she's like well she's gonna know you eventually i'm like all right you know yeah i think like cardinal rule number one for attire if you're going on a date you got to find out what the vibe is of the place which you already know and come like definitely put effort into it but you don't want to use the first date to try to go outside of like your normal style i guess that's true yeah like you want to make sure you wear something that you know you look good in yeah you know you got to like think back to like or look at pictures and be like when did i feel the hottest and then wear that outfit like three three weeks ago yeah and i don't think it's shorts weather in salinas california it never is but no I know it's always overcast there yeah so yeah well that's exciting I'm excited for you yeah um I know we kind of talked about this I don't know I feel like first dates are pretty telling I mean i'm not saying like judge them completely off the first date but i don't know for me i definitely it says a lot how i think how a person dates in general says a lot about who they are as a person do they take initiative are they easy to conversate with um do they have like manners you know because chivalry isn't dead like you know i am so like vigilant about how you like treat like the servers you know or like treat the bartender where we're going like especially when you've worked in the service industry oh for sure it's like i just know how you talk to strangers yep I want to know how you react when something your food's taking too long or didn't come out right I want to see how you handle that situation and how you treat the server and because that says a lot about a person to me I like your patient you know yeah I read this thing once too it said you could tell a lot about a person by the way they order their food oh yeah like like um How much do they respect the person's time that they're ordering from, like how long they take? Also, just how they treat the person that's taking their order. And then also like something to pay really close attention to is how like decisive they are. You know people that are super undecisive and they're like, oh. And it's like she's standing there. Yeah, it's like figure it out. Or say, hey, you know what? I need a couple minutes. Yeah, that's different. That's okay to do that. But that's what I'm saying. Stuff like that. You're going to learn. Like if you're that person that shows up to the table last and they're like, are you ready? And you're really not. And you're like, yeah, sure. But, you know, can you start over there? You know? And then when they get to you, you're like, um, um, um. what do you think about this you know it's like dude just go with what you because nine times out of ten you go with the first thing that catches your eye yep and it's already caught your eye yeah then you're probably gonna be undecisive about me yep exactly exactly and then like i just think also like do they go after what they want like how do they pursue you when it comes to the date that's kind of why usually i don't like making the first moves i usually let men kind of make the first move and ask me to go out on a date because it's like, I don't want a man that's not a hunter. I don't want a man who's not an alpha. Like typically I want someone who is going to go after what they want in life. including me, you know, kind of thing. So, um, which I have made some exceptions. I'm not going to lie, but I'm just saying preferably that's my preference. I think the next person that I date, like I truly like want that. Like I think I truly, like I've always been the alpha. Like you kind of want to be able to sit back in your feminine energy. Like I kind of, well, not necessarily. I mean, yeah, yes and no. You know what I mean? Like I just want somebody that like, I don't have to like do all the work, you know what I mean? Do all the like work for everything and like make all the decisions. I just like, can we just, acknowledge that like that is like that is I think that for so many of us Like I feel that completely. I'm normally always that person. You guys, it's tiring. And you know, if you're that person that always has to make all the decisions and do everything. And you typically always take on that role in a relationship. I think we have to be more intentional of like choosing different.

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Yeah.

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We really do because I think naturally we'll default to what we're comfortable with. And like, even though, you know what I mean? It's just the simple things like for me of like, I would just love to come home. you know, like in a perfect world and just be like listening to them be like, hey. I made reservations. We're going to go here for dinner or I made this for dinner or you know what? I went grocery shopping. I know you said you were going to barbecue here. I went ahead and bought it all while you were at work or something like that. We're like someone who takes the initiative. Like I'm so used to being with somebody that's like, so what do you feel like? And you know, at first you almost think like, Oh, that's cute. Like they're really thinking about me and like what I want. But after the first two, three years, it's like, you know, you should have been paying attention. No, it's Wednesday. I've been craving the whole since Monday. Take me there. I want a skirt steak sandwich you know and like they know they should be paying attention enough to it's like you know damn well what I like and you know what I don't like yeah I would much rather be like surprised by somebody like with me walking in and being like this is what I made for you or I made this reservation for you after a long day of work or something where you know you're stressed I mean obviously nobody should do that every single day because everybody deserves to receive that at one point whether you're a man or a woman but you know it's like We're just tired, you guys. We're tired of being the ones that are in that role all the time. Like, can we have that done for us for once? Sheesh. I just want a little baddie to tell me what to do, you know? Every now and then. See, that's the toxic side coming out in there a little bit. Yeah. But yeah. Also, I was going to say with the eating out thing, the biggest thing I think for me is like, how well do they tip? Oh yeah. That's huge for me. Huge. I am a major over tipper. Yep. Me too. Shout out to the over tippers you guys. Cause I feel like money always comes back. Absolutely. It always comes back. And so it's like, if somebody gives me a good service, like you're getting over tipped. Yep. Every single time. Yeah. I always over tipped too. I don't even do the 20%. Like I don't, to me, that's what is that? Unless I had a horrible experience, you're getting over 20%. Yeah. Yeah. if i got like really good exceptional like service like you're probably getting 30 35 percent yeah you know what i mean we've tipped like crazy before too i forget where we were like we've gave me and you i think was it up i don't know where we were we were somewhere where we gave him a hundred dollars even like we've done that before yeah

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you

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guys because look pay attention to like if you're out on a date You know, I think, man, especially with men, like, come on, dude. Like, don't split the bill with Kaylin. You better not split the bill with the fucking, you know, busser and the server, okay? Like, you know, do it up. If you're not there, then, you know, it's like, if you got$40 to your name, go to fucking Safeway. Get creative. Make a good meal at home. Nobody will ever know. Yeah, it's all about the thought you put into it. Like, literally, you can do things that aren't expensive and just put a shit ton of intention in it. Absolutely. And make it super thoughtful. You can go to Dollar Tree and buy like a million candles, like those little ones. I'm not a million, but I'm saying like you can get a pack of like a bunch of candles. You can light them. You can put them in your backyard. If you have a truck, you can put down the back of the truck, lay out a blanket, cook an inexpensive meal, put some, you know, candles. Sounds like a fire hazard. you know but we live in california okay fire insurance is hard to come by whatever whatever but no what you're saying is for sure like i just mean there's so many ways to like put it it's about the thought and intention and people don't people don't do that nowadays like They don't do that nowadays. I haven't even gotten that far. I'm just trying to like find somebody to just like, you know, I feel like all the people that like I'm into are not into me. Like that is my current, not that I'm like super into anybody right now, but like I just feel like when I'm out like in the wild and like somebody catches my eye, it's very much so like, well, you're probably married with three kids. Like, you know what I mean? Like that's just my type. I feel like, yeah, anytime I see someone that like, or I have, seen someone before that like really catches my eye where i'm like the vibe the energy the look all of it is like yes they end up being married and I'm like, oh, nevermind. Oh, you know, somebody got there first. I think that comes with our age. Yeah. You guys, if you're dating in your thirties, most of the time they're married. I feel like, yeah. At what point, I wonder at what age we'd have to be when people start getting divorces. Is it like forties? I was going to say, I've never dated anybody who was married, but did you know that? Did I ever tell you this? That I found out later on that my ex was still technically on paper married. Oh, you did tell me that. So that, I guess I have dated somebody who's married. I almost married somebody who was married. Until you found out she was still married and then you had to have her covered again. Yeah, I helped her through a divorce. But, you know, beggars can't be choosers, right?

UNKNOWN: 28:19

You guys.

SPEAKER_00: 28:20

That was a little flashback. That's okay. It was genuine. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, the pool is small and... Mine's a dirty puddle. But you know what? Honestly, though, I mean, we've kind of talked about this. Like I have been on some fun dates and I have met some good people. They might be a little harder to find. They might be few and far between, but there are some good ones out there for sure. There is. And I mean, if you do it right, you can have some fun with it. You're especially that first year of singledom, you know? Yeah. You got to have fun with it. Yeah. I had a lot of fun the first year. Yeah. I was very unapologetic about it too. Yeah. There were some situationships that didn't pan out. Most of the people I was hanging out with, like I'm so sorry. cool with you know like I was very honest about like my intentions at that time I was nowhere near ready to even entertain anything outside of just fun yeah and there was like as long as you're real about it don't be like leading people on yeah there was one that even though like I was very honest about my intentions like she had other plans like you know yeah so some feelings got hurt there but other than that everybody else as long as you as long as you were honest about it like you guys for so for those of you that are listening that have been like married forever you guys situationship is basically the new word for friends with benefits except for i feel like back when it was friends with benefits there was a mutual understanding and respect for each other whereas sometimes these situationships you guys let me tell you i feel like i deserve some type of like award like a medal in this department because i definitely have fallen into that trap um before and man uh yeah if you don't know what a situationship is it's basically where you do everything that's like you're in a relationship right You know, you're with that person all the time. You're going on dates. You're being intimate. You're spending the night at their place. They're spending the night at yours. You know, all the things, right? You're doing all the things. Everything's short of the Facebook status and the bill splitting. But you don't post them. Yeah, you don't. And a lot of people do this nowadays, you guys. This is super common. Even the people that, like, seem single, they're not single because they have the situationship. You know? Yeah, I know. I have fallen victim to that where I will go and, like, verify online and be like, okay, this person looks real. like i'm gonna hit them up and don't trust what you see on there no i don't trust anything i see online i'm speaking from experience which sucks because mine is like 80 online because nobody is like just out and about about what they're doing you know what i mean that's all you really like have to go maybe that's the thing maybe like we should start a website for no not a website but like almost like yeah there has like a dating

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app

SPEAKER_00: 31:10

There has to be something that is like, hey, I'm actually truly free and lean this way or that way. Guys, if you're our age, if you're in your 30s, you remember the good old days of the real OG social media, MySpace. It was so much easier on there, you guys, because it literally showed the top three things. It showed your actual age, verified your... you know, height. So you knew like, are you super tall, super short, you know, like that, that used to be a thing, right? You know, even when I was. I miss the MySpace days. I liked MySpace. Yeah, because the very bottom one, it would tell you your sexual orientation. So it would, it would tell you right there, flat out, which way you were going. And, you know, that was like pretty valid information to know. Like that was very important. And it was just way easier then because then you knew like who you, Can and can't flirt with without it being weird. You know what I mean? People aren't forthcoming these days. No, not at all. You literally got to verify and verify again. And yeah, these situationships. I mean, I know from experience. And it's different because like when it was friends with benefits, there were boundaries. And now I feel like these situationships, there's no boundaries. So if you're in one, you know, lay down the ground rules for like all the things. Like, are we being intimate? with other people you know are we or aren't we you know the like you gotta say what's up yeah like just be honest at the very beginning what it is you know and um I would just say be careful that's a slippery slope because when you're spending that much time with someone some feels you know and you're being intimate with someone you guys someone's gonna end up catching feelings it never works tale as old as time you warned me Yeah. With mine. I told you. You dead ass warned me. You were like, somebody is going to catch feelings. Y'all are spending a lot of time together doing all these things. And I was like, no, I'm good. I'm good. Like, you know, not a big deal. Well, it was a big deal to the other person, apparently. And, you know, a lot of salt in the wound, I guess. But yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. Moral of the story, you guys, just keep it real. Be honest about your status. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? Quite honestly, it's like on the other flip side of that, too, is like if you're into somebody like. especially at our age like just go and say it dude like i feel like so many people they put so much back they're not real honestly more like i would love it if somebody i mean and i guess i probably should be better about this too but like i would love it if somebody just walked up and was like hey like that person over there is like really into you or like my friend like really like you know has kind of had a crush on you for a minute or something like that or like for them to come up to you yeah i think you're really cool like would you like to go out on a date like Like, I just think that like that in itself is so much more like attractive. It's like, go after what you want. Yeah, go after what you want and put in the effort. Yeah, put in the effort. Like, tell me like how like, you know, serious you really are. Like, tell me like how much effort you're truly how much risk you're willing to put in to like, be seen. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like that is another thing that is like very, um, attractive, like coming into this new stage of life, like where we're at and going through what we've gone through that. It's like, I just want somebody that like knows what they want and like says it and isn't afraid to like move with what they really want at the time that they want it, you know? Absolutely. And it's, it's harder to find. I think it seems so simple, but it's not nowadays. Yeah. And people are, Aren't intentional when they're dating, you know, people used to date to marry or date to like actually find someone. And now I feel like people are just dating to hook up or to waste your time. I don't know. And so, yeah, don't don't don't waste. Don't be out here wasting people's time, guys. Come on. Date with intention. Yeah. Yeah, there's just, there's not a lot of people who are out there doing that right now. No, not a lot. That's, you know, it's hard. But at the same time, it's like, I feel like it is somewhat easier to find like that real intention. And I feel like that in itself, like you don't have to be the perfect person. Like you don't have to have the best job or like be the prettiest or the most handsome or whatever. But sometimes just giving that effort, like that itself is the most attractive thing out there. The effort and being genuine, just being genuine and being intentional and putting in that effort, you guys, that will go a long way because too many people are out here not. Yeah. For sure. Intention is everything. Mm-hmm. And I know, like, some of the really good dates I've been on or, like, people I've met over the past couple years, those are the ones I remember the most. Mm-hmm. You know? Were the ones that were just honest and put that effort in and, you know, put that intention into it. Yeah. Yeah. Well... I, you know, I think this was a good episode. This was fun. And, you know, if you're out there wanting to go on a date with one of us, you know, just slide those DMs, be about it, you know. Yeah, tune in to hear about how Cody's date goes tomorrow. Yeah, we'll see how it goes. We'll all have a full report. Yes, definitely. All right, guys. All right.