SPEAKER_01: 0:33

Hey guys, it's Cody with the Unengaged Podcast. I'm here with our very first guest, Delilah, with Love Her Gym, and we're just so excited to have you.

SPEAKER_04: 0:42

Thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure.

SPEAKER_01: 0:44

Yeah, so why don't you tell us a little bit about you. I know our audience got to hear a little bit about you before when we did our live interviews at Overflow Taproom a couple weeks ago, but why don't you take a minute, give them a real introduction on who you are and what you do.

SPEAKER_04: 0:59

Who I am. So my name is Coach D. That's what, however Everybody knows me. I'm a professional bodybuilder in the figure division. I have been personal training here in Gilway for the last decade of my life, and I've built this creation called Love Her Gym. It is, I would say, a life coaching with training as well. It's a pretty unique service in what I do and what I offer because I really took my own personal journey of growth, of my self-evolution, to be able to cater to the women that want better energy understanding emotions as well as their financial awareness because I believe that we have as women have the power to really truly embody not just our feminine but also our masculine and do it in a way where we learn to love ourselves and find our value find our self-worth through leveling up in these three categories or pillars was what I call them so I was really looking at my own personal journey and understanding like, how did I get to where I got? And then once I started to understand my mindset, my work ethic, my abilities to really go against what my belief systems were set up on, I was like, you know what, I could teach this. And that's what my whole mission is, is just to teach women And that hopefully men eventually, but I think that women play a special role in my heart because we are really the examples of what looks like to our children. And if I could tap into women, the next generation are probably better off.

SPEAKER_01: 2:29

Yeah, no, absolutely. We talk about generational cycles a lot on the show and just, you know, the more aware that you are, the more that you can make a conscious decision to like change and kind of like, you know, develop better habits for the next generation, like you're saying, or even just your own. Right. You know, you've changed quite a bit. It sounds like in the last 10 or so years, you know, and really kind of like hacked your your own lifestyle to make it work for you. What would you say, you know, of those three pillars that you look at, which one did you feel like you mastered first? I

SPEAKER_04: 3:01

would say the base would be physical, right? I think that you have to have a certain amount of energy to be able to do anything and flow better throughout your day. So physical came around 28. Okay. And, you know, bodybuilding was such a blessing, even though it's the hardest journey I've been through, because it taught me so much about discipline and then the ability to change the habits. My environment wasn't great. You know, nobody is really born a bodybuilder unless you're a bodybuilder family. Right. That's very few far between. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that first and then through from 20 to 33, you know, I was still partying and raging, but at 33, that was the conscious choice to heal myself and my emotional promise for my past. And then from there, once you have those two levels, it's like, okay, well, let me see if I can follow a dream and then go through the financial awareness and building capital to build to your, your, whatever it is that you want.

SPEAKER_01: 3:54

Yeah. That's really cool. Were you an athlete like before bodybuilding? Did you like come from like any other like sports and things like that, that kind of made you want to go into that or how did that work?

SPEAKER_04: 4:04

I think I was a natural born athlete. I, um, yeah, I've loved to move my body. I loved any type of sport. I think when I was younger, I played football with the boys type of thing. So I think that was also neat in me. Honestly, if I could remember correctly for, since I was younger, I usually navigated to more of a masculine energy from get go. So athletics was fun and easy. And then when I started to really think of like something that I loved, personal training was just the easiest route as a career

SPEAKER_01: 4:34

path yeah I totally relate to that I played sports my whole life and like competitive sports forever softball was kind of the number one such a cliche but you know that was kind of like always my my thing but you know as an adult when you don't have organized sports around you it's like the gym is kind of the closest thing you have to it and coming into like a type of gym like this where you have a community of people around it's probably the closest thing you have to like a team aspect so that's that's cool that you create such a space for women to feel comfortable and like have like a community of people around.

SPEAKER_04: 5:06

Yeah, the work that we do here is definitely something that most people don't do, like introspective type of stuff, grounding techniques that I teach the girls on the floor, anything about being aware in your own body. So definitely any way that comes through this door is just a forefront. Like, hey, we're different, but the things that we teach, it just will help you out in a holistic way to become better.

SPEAKER_01: 5:28

What would you say, like, if you've heard from, like, a lot of, like, your clients that come in here, obviously they kind of have an idea of what you have to offer them, but what do you think is like the most surprising thing for them? Like that they don't expect to get out of it, but almost always end up with. I would

SPEAKER_04: 5:47

say maybe the lectures that I give. I think that everything that I say comes from a deep root of authenticity throughout my own journey. So for me to back it up with science and spirituality approach, I think that most people are like, wait, what is this? My women's circles are really, really special. That's every Saturday at 8 a.m. And we just open forum to life challenges. And I mean, I talk everything, whether it be science or epigenetics and gene code. to you know I don't know just like why are women so stressed like every spectrum of our journey I touch and every Saturday at 8 somebody's crying and it just touches everybody to connect on deeper level

SPEAKER_01: 6:33

yeah that's really really special you know because a lot of people don't have that You know, or have like the space to like go and like be able to like talk to people. You know, a lot of times women have like one or two really good friends that they can kind of talk to or feel comfortable in. So to create a space like that is pretty special, you know, pretty awesome. So I hope you're proud of that. And I know you are just from talking to you already. But what would you say was like your biggest inspiration? Like who was the person that kind of put you in this space?

SPEAKER_04: 7:00

You know, and it's like an opposite inspiration, if that makes sense. I think that your parents are the natural programmers of your life. And when I saw my parents fight so much, I'm the firstborn child. So usually the firstborn usually sees everything. And you know what? Once you get older, you realize that your parents are growing up with you. You know, my mom was 17 when she had me. My dad, I think my stepdad was around 20 years old when he got with her. So they're young. And when you're young, you don't know yourself and you don't really know true love yeah so that I would say is like I saw them fight and I'm like whatever they do I want to do opposite right so I went to college I went to did everything opposite than they did

SPEAKER_01: 7:41

that's awesome well you know and it's it's cool that I feel like it's when you're the first born child you know and this is just you know my opinion but we've talked about this before on the pod where we're like you kind of are like the trial child you know and it's like everybody kind of has something different in that either you kind of follow that path and continue on with those generational cycles like we're talking about or you're the one that kind of changes gears and um you know grows from that in a different direction so that's that's really awesome it's kind of you know same thing like my parents were pretty young when they had me as well and um you know i i took a lot of things from them that i'm like i don't want to do this Don't want to do that. Want to make sure I have this in tap beforehand. And then there's some things that I'm like, I kind of want to follow that same path. So, you know, it's definitely interesting to kind of like be introspective and kind of be able to like really decipher what you're doing, you know, and know the path that you want to take.

SPEAKER_04: 8:40

yeah yeah definitely growing up um i mean i'm first generation mexican-american which basically means my mom's an immigrant my dad's christian so when you have those uh as now i know those limitations and scarcity and lack pre-setting your program it's a really hard battle to to one see that you weren't dealt with the best cards and okay well how do i play this game the best of my abilities

SPEAKER_01: 9:04

yeah well it's at the end of the day that's kind of what this all is right you know it is just kind of a game and you

SPEAKER_04: 9:09

know

SPEAKER_01: 9:09

We're all out here trying to win and trying to level up from the last thing. And it's awesome what you've been able to do, especially with those cards that you're dealt. We all kind of are brought up into a different space, depending on when you were born, who you were born with. Actually, I don't know if you've ever read a book, it's one of my favorites, called Outliers by Malcolm, I'll have to find out his name, but basically the basis of this book is he goes and does this study on groups of people in different environments, different sports or different industries, things like that, and based on when they're born and where they're born, time of the year, things like that, that some are more successful than others. And he really, the interesting one for me was talking about hockey in Canada and how people that are like born between like January and March are like 30% more likely to go pro than any other hockey players that are born throughout the rest of the year, because they're right up against the cutoff for the age as to when they start. So it's like, they're already like bigger and like more developed physically and mentally. So they kind of have more of like a predisposition, like, you know, chance to like get better in a quicker amount of time. So it's kind of like that same kind of thing. You know, it depends on where you start, you know, and what you can do with it once you're there. It's really awesome that you're kind of out here helping people develop those skills that you're kind of predispositioned with. But

SPEAKER_04: 10:37

yeah. Well, let's see. Let me pay you back off that. So predisposition, I think there's two things to it. One, it's your natural ability to be that thing. And two, it's your work ethic or your passion to be able to pursue that and be consistent with everything. Knowing any sport, I would see what it's called. I told all my coach would be like, The wind is in the details. What does that mean? I'm going to do everything that anybody else is not doing to get me there faster. And what I saw with bodybuilding, and this is why I feel like I became so successful, is that people, or bodybuilders, if they weren't serious enough, they weren't willing to cut out drinking. For me, I was not dating in the last seven years of my life. I devoted my whole life to it. And when you have family and friends that only drink and eat, to let go of those environments is going to be very hard. Yeah. But if you really want it better enough and you truly are super focused, I was able to just cut everything off and just be like, you know what? It's my cave, which is my room, my gym and my work and my kids, right? That's all I did. No friends from family that developed my work ethic, my skillset in like studying. So I would study all these books and then I'm like, okay, how do I apply this information that I have? So I think that it's unfortunate in our society that most people will not read as much as they should or even conceptualize and integrate as much as they should. The information is out there. And I was just able to get all these books and kind of just remix them and be like, okay, I could teach this systematically by really telling the girls, you know, look within. I'll give you the questions to ask you as long as I know what you need. And then for them to do that self-reflection work is just, you know, it's up to them. As a coach, I'd want everybody to do this, but I know that everybody might not be ready for it or willing to actually go through with knowing themselves and really just diving deep.

SPEAKER_01: 12:30

Right, right. That's really cool. You know, and it is, it's very true that some people aren't willing to, you know, kind of let that go quite yet, you know, or want to take an extra six months and go, okay, maybe I want to come back and do these things again or try that. I know for me myself, like my environment has changed quite a bit in the last 12 months and I've kind of changed a lot of different things in my life. So I totally like that, like kind of hit me directly right now where I was like, oh yeah, like, you know, when the, the difference in the focus on, you know, It all is based on your environment and who you're willing to let into your aura a little bit and who you're willing to let pour into your glass and their attitudes and what their priorities are. But yeah, that's huge.

SPEAKER_04: 13:14

That's a

SPEAKER_01: 13:15

huge,

SPEAKER_04: 13:15

huge part of it. So there's something that I like to have everybody aware. And I think this is not the first time people have heard this. Everything vibrates, right? So you have to understand that people vibrate a certain frequency. Emotions vibrate. So love, for example, 528 megahertz. The earth, 432. Joy, 700 megahertz. So understanding that, what I realized is your emotional energy is everything. The way that you feel about yourself is how you vibrate so if I want to become happier healthier whatever you have to be willing to let go of those things that vibrate at a lower frequency which is like dead foods which is people that complain that are just just always having something negative to say it's one of those things that you have to become aware and be like okay maybe this person I need to give them a bit more space until I you know reconvene with them it's just it's hard to do when it's the people that you love the most especially like parents for example

SPEAKER_01: 14:12

now for sure Sure. That's, that's crazy. That's like literally like direct hit into what we've been kind of dealing with in the last 12 months is just kind of like, especially for me coming off of like the relationship that I was in and then kind of just looking at my entire friend group and kind of reevaluating. Um, because like you said, there's just, everything vibrates at different frequencies and you know, I was kind of in a space where I I had a lot of people that just constantly, you're doing things, you're partying, you're out, you're eating, literally that exact same thing. And you think it's a great time, you think the vibes are high, but in reality, there's a massive come down at the end. And the kind of like drama that might come with it or the complaining at the end of the day when Monday comes around and you're not doing all the fun stuff that you did all weekend. But when you kind of reset yourself, focus on more holistic things like this that really do kind of level up your vibes, you know, you can go to the gym seven days a week, right? You know, you can't just go and day drink Friday through Sunday. You know what I mean? It's like at least there's consistency in it.

SPEAKER_04: 15:20

I want to give just a highlight of my own personal journey. Between the ages of like 25 to 30, 33 I wild out like that was the darkest point of my life because I had just gone heartbroken from like my baby's dad and I was just trying to find myself in everything and anything which is the external drinking, partying, boys doing the most every other weekend because I do have two kids so once I realized you know what I mean like you said like he just gets tired after doing the same thing over and over I flipped a switch into being like okay 33 let me just go opposite spectrum because all these back to back failed relationships just left me empty like okay I gave you everything that I had and it still didn't work right so the whole concept was just like taking full responsibility flipping a 180 and just working on myself mentally physically spiritually emotionally like healing every part of me and really just taking full responsibility like I'm the only common denominator in all my problems and I'm gonna make that shift within me to figure this out and now I'm in a space where it's like I get to help others figure this out for themselves

SPEAKER_01: 16:24

that's awesome wow that's just really powerful what you're saying right now you know because it's it takes a lot for somebody to kind of like truly be able to look themselves in the mirror and say i am the common denominator of all these problems and a lot of people aren't willing to do that you know and that's kind of like the basis of us right now you know the name of our podcast we're unengaged right so that was kind of us saying we're unengaging from these bad habits and unengaging from those um you know, just different things that we were doing in our lives to kind of stunt our own growth. So same thing. It sounds like you kind of have a similar experience right around the same age that we did. And it's awesome to kind of hear what that looks like on the other end, if you really stick to it and, you know, kind of bet on yourself.

SPEAKER_04: 17:10

Yeah, I would say for anybody out there listening to you, I think the biggest thing we have to unengage from is our belief systems, like becoming super hyper aware of what we believe. And if you actually look at it, it's usually the environment that created it. And the biggest thing is around love because love is something that most people seek outward and it's just like you already have it within. So for me to understand this concept is that we've been trained to love with conditions and not unconditional has been the biggest epiphany. I think that once you You really see that you had to be somebody for people to accept you and to love you like your parents. Then you realize, okay, like this whole time in my relationships, I needed something from people. It's just like love just... chooses you at first or you know the couple but you have to really choose the other person every day right and really just know that um all that anxiety and all that stuff that from the past you got to be willing to let it go if you truly want to make it work

SPEAKER_01: 18:06

absolutely absolutely i totally hear what you're saying on that you know because it's not always conditional like that you have to you have to let it flow you have to let it be what it is and you also have to allow if you're in a long-term relationship people to change you know because if you're with somebody for a year or twenty years you know they're not ever going to be the same person on day 10,000 as they were on day one, right? You're a completely different person from them and you got to allow people to grow and change and really be there for all that and show up for each other. And like you said, choose each other every day.

SPEAKER_02: 18:40

Yeah.

UNKNOWN: 18:41

It's super important.

SPEAKER_04: 18:42

I would say this. I ask the girls this question. What is the only constant in life?

SPEAKER_02: 18:47

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04: 18:48

I would say probably ourselves, right? Well, the answer is change. Change. So everything is always ever changing. You're changing from one second to the other. You could say, I love this now and then next second you don't right it's just a thing that everything changes so realistically in relationships as we grow and evolve together I tell the girls that you have to do a level of work together to be able to vibrate at a certain frequency together and rise up if one person's not willing to look at themselves and do that work and the other person desires it the more likely than not there's going to be a big gap in between and then eventually it's either one person's going to sacrifice themselves and go down back down or there's going to be enough of a gap to be able to be like okay this isn't going to work out it's vibration I don't think we talk vibration at all but it definitely is that

SPEAKER_01: 19:37

yeah gosh I feel like I'm going to end up needing these tissues that you brought out because I feel like I'm getting like a full service class right now on this but yeah no I mean like for instance like for me you know the last relationship that I had was 100% that way you know we kind of started out on the same path and then you know one of us kind of wrote up a little bit and you know unfortunately that was me and I was kind of the one that had to like sit there and stunt my own growth to kind of like sit back into where she wanted to land and where she was comfortable and you know she was doing great for herself but it wasn't necessarily where I wanted to be or like where my aspirations wanted to end you know so it got uncomfortable for a minute and eventually it kind of tore us apart a little bit and we kind of went in separate directions but it's 100 100 what you're saying you know change is ever constant and you know you have to be comfortable with it in order to make it successful for you make it work for your life yeah there has to be an

SPEAKER_04: 20:40

uncomfortable comfortableness yeah yeah nothing grows in the comfort zone so for those people that really truly want to grow evolve get better do better they have to be willing to get uncomfortable and again not everybody's desiring that so this is why I know who I am and what I provide and if people aren't really ready to do that type of work it's just best for them not to waste their time or my time

SPEAKER_01: 21:01

yeah no exactly they're just not they're not for you you know like and you shouldn't like you said shouldn't waste their time with it and you don't want anybody to waste your time because that's the only thing that we don't get more of right is seconds you know once it's gone it's gone you know you can always make more money you can always make more you know all kinds of whatever else there is right you know there's always another meal there's always another paycheck there's always more concerts or gym sessions all those things but you you can never replace the time that goes by as you're wasting it or spending it on something good you know

SPEAKER_04: 21:33

yeah and the whole concept of regret too i think that for the most part people just have to understand that everything happens for a reason and the people that showed up in your life are supposed to teach you something whether it be how to love yourself more how to love others how to become more more introspective. Everything teaches you something, so at the end of the day, there's no right or wrong. It just is, and then you learn from it.

SPEAKER_01: 21:56

Absolutely. I can't agree with that anymore, to be honest. I feel like I've always been a very, very deep thinker in that way, where I've always had a lot of instant regret. As soon as things happen or don't happen the way they're supposed to, I'm such an over-thinker by nature that I always was holding onto so much regret if things didn't work out the way I wanted to. And I think over the past year, I've kind of like let that go. where I'm like, you know, it all happens for a reason. Whatever that reason may be, like, I'll know eventually, you know, or I'll figure it out. But the regret piece is something that I think at this age I've finally let go of and been like, all right, well, you know, gave it my best shot. And maybe it wasn't meant to work out for one reason or another. And as you kind of go forward, you see that. I'm going to

SPEAKER_04: 22:44

leave you with just something that I tell the girls. And it could be for either one. You could just change the sex of it. So a man's reject Rejection is God's redirection to love yourself a little bit more.

UNKNOWN: 22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 22:57

So a man or a woman. Yeah. Look at her. She's going to cry now. Rejection is God's redirection to love yourself a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01: 23:06

And if you knew me a year ago, Delilah, you would know like that couldn't be any more true. That's 100% where I'm at right now. But that's awesome. I'm definitely going to write that down and keep that in my back pocket. My

SPEAKER_00: 23:21

turn, yay! I just want to tell you even just from meeting you, I've never met you before. I don't know you prior to the event that was at overflow, but after meeting you, you had such an impact on me and Cody. And I just wanted to tell you that like you were, I felt like I was so fangirling. I don't know if you listen to our podcast, but, um, I was talking to Cody or we were talking on the podcast about how I was, I was like, Oh my God. I was like, you know who, like I was thinking of today. And I was like, it was like, she's just like, you just left. I don't know. You just left such a, um, like beautiful impression on us. And yeah, we like knew instantly, I was like, she's going to be our first step. On a real

SPEAKER_04: 24:04

talk, I had really a lot of anxiety or before, or there's that nervousness. I walk into a room after being isolated for so long for me to be outside my gym is just uncomfortable. And I don't know if it's the COVID thing. I don't know if it's just me being in me so much that I'm like, I'm really doing my best to, to branch out more and just to speak my truth and just to tell people, you know what, like this journey is not supposed to be easy, but if you're willing to really do that work, your life can completely change

SPEAKER_00: 24:33

absolutely yeah and i noticed that you had a picture here um do you want to tell me a little bit about it

SPEAKER_04: 24:39

yeah so this is my picture and it's me around four and what i have some of my girls do that really are doing what i call the inner child work or inner work is to bring a picture between zero to seven because through zero to seven in a child is the programming state which basically means their brain waves that are around the theta brain wave and you're more susceptible to how society is ran you're a sponge at that time so you get to learn so much so So this is really actually where we first get programmed. And then after that, we run this program at 25, our neocortex gets developed. So we don't really know what we're doing. We're just doing what everybody else does because we feel like that's what we need to do to be accepted in our society. Not that it's a good or bad thing, but typically if your life just becomes chaos, then that's the kind of cue of like, okay, I need to change something. And for a person to be willing to wake up every day and be intentional is really the key to transformation.

SPEAKER_00: 25:29

Yeah, absolutely. Have you found like on the spiritual path, the inner child work is important?

SPEAKER_04: 25:40

Definitely. I think that's where everything stems from. Actually, if you look at Western psychology, this is literally what they do is they go backwards in time. In Eastern psychology, though, it's just like they stay very present in the now moment. So I think that a little bit of a blend between the two, it's like you have to go back and check yourself, but then also check your actions now and ask yourself, like, why do I keep self-sabotaging? Why are these negative thoughts in my mind?

SPEAKER_00: 26:04

Absolutely. Yeah, because that's kind of what I found, too. Like, I found the spiritual path, like, maybe three years ago. I'm 35 now, so yeah, I was like maybe 31, 32 when I started like my journey. I wish it could have started a little bit earlier for me, but you know, everything happens when it's supposed to. I've definitely found also, like I found that to be totally true, like everything really does stem from our childhood and reprogramming our, our, just our whole childhood. life you know pretty much right especially if you didn't have a good upbringing then it's a little bit more work but it's possible and yeah okay and have you did you feel like that was kind of hard for you was it hard to like reprogram or what were some tools that that you have used to to kind of maybe, I don't know if you've had a tough childhood or not, but if you did, what were some tools that helped you kind of heal from that or reprogram your mind from that?

SPEAKER_04: 27:06

Okay. So when we talk about reprogramming, I tell the girls and psychologists called your subconscious in spirituality, it's called your ego. Okay. It's the big part of you. It's the thing that's controlling everything. It's an automatic response. There is no thinking. There's just more doing. So to really tap into your subconscious, because you think about like this, if it's 95%, like an iceberg, that big is controlling everything. You have a 5% conscious brain that you could actually tap into to be able to make the right actions, but you have to become super hyper aware. So the biggest biggest tool is meditation. I personally meditate in the mornings for 20 minutes. I sit in my pod. I go into just a state of just silence, stillness, and I'm able to kind of just observe my thoughts and my emotions and just really see what I need to do that day in the sense of just like, who do I want to be? so meditation is key nutrition I would say is second possibly just because in our society right now there's too many people that are very sick and I think that the food industry as well as like the pharmaceuticals are just not the best for health and I have a lot of like for example nurses that are just like the worst health so there's something wrong with the system and I told the girls last week it's like if the system was meant for us to be healthy wealthy and abundant and all those things it would be like that but it's not so something got hacked and honestly it's just us doing our own individual work to be able to like you said reprogram and then make better actions for ourselves

SPEAKER_00: 28:32

yeah absolutely absolutely I recently did a whole shift with like my nutrition I was you know I feel like we have so many different buckets that we pour into you know like you know if you're a mom you have like your mom bucket you have your business owner bucket you have your own buckets also that you need to fill for yourself and I feel like you know at one point or another there's always kind of something that you wish you you know were doing a little more in that area um for me nutrition was a big one I was doing a lot of positive things but nutrition was totally falling off and I've noticed a huge difference since I've made the switch of like not eating as much processed foods eating more one ingredient foods and just being more mindful of what I'm putting in my body and you know um It's kind of like what you were saying earlier too with Cody I totally agree a lot of people and especially if you come from a family that where when you guys get together you just eat and drink and then what kind of foods are you eating and you know you can get caught especially on the weekends you just kind of get caught up in that cycle um so you have to learn to be very disciplined and it does make a huge difference i like just the nutrition piece like i said i've noticed that even alone um and then i wanted to go back to the meditation um part that you were saying um i i don't know if you know this but i'm also a certified sound healer so i do like sound baths and stuff like that but i what i find um is really hard for people when they're in a sound bath or like a meditation is quieting them Do you have any tips for that?

SPEAKER_04: 30:04

you know, for meditation itself, I think this is where the misconception is, is where people are like, I can't control my mind. It's like, it's not about control. It's just about being observant and allowing and accepting and not judging it. So with that, just know that you have the power to focus on any thought and expand it if you wanted to. So for you to become the observant, it creates that space between the thought or the emotion and just be curious about it. Like, oh, that's interesting. Like that thought came up. Maybe I'll poke about it later. You know, you have power. So, you know, It was a question.

SPEAKER_00: 30:35

Yeah. So yeah. Tool for, um, helping quiet the mind when meditating. Cause that's what I find that my clients, when I do a sound bath, that's the number one thing that majority of people say is, um, they'll say that their thoughts, they just couldn't turn their mind off. So just, I guess tips with, um, helping with meditation or maybe you're just a professional overthinker. I mean, Cody always say we're professional overthinkers. Like, um, I guess tips to help with that.

SPEAKER_04: 31:04

Yeah. So breath is number one, I would say breathing and just being aware of it because breath is something that you do consciously and unconsciously, but, but really just becoming that observant. Like, I don't think it's about quieting because over time, as you meditate more, then it's like you're building that muscle, right? So you just become observant and then you don't have to judge it, write it down, journal it out to be able to know what's already inside.

SPEAKER_00: 31:30

Yes. Okay. Gotcha. Okay. of found that too like I think and yeah and I always tell people to like it's just like going to the gym right like when you first start going you have to like build up that muscle right like you're not going to just instantly go to the gym and be strong it takes time so um i yeah i feel the same way with like meditation also like the more you do it the more kind of easier that it gets you know um i

SPEAKER_04: 31:56

would say with meditation there's a point of you actually doing the practice for so long habitually that you go into a state of just like void

SPEAKER_02: 32:05

and when

SPEAKER_04: 32:05

you find that and you get out of meditation you're like where was i There was no time, there was no me, there was no nothing. And that's this very special place to get, but you have to build that consistency because the mind will battle you every day. It's going to say, you don't have time, do it later, but later never comes. So I tell the girls, you know, the mind is your key game player because it could either deter you from your goals, which it's going to because it's fear-based because it knows it know any better. It knows consistency of the same habits. So for the girls to come in here, I'm like, you have to be willing to self-reflect on those times that you were quote unquote weak, gave in to your, um, to not follow your meal plan. And then what is your mind telling you? How did your mind trick you in that moment? Because that's what I call your ego. That is what you call your lower self that wants to keep you vibrationally in the same person that you are.

SPEAKER_00: 32:55

Yes, absolutely. I find too that, um, people can be like medicine. Like there's certain people that I'm with and I'm sure like that's what I'm sure you are to these women that come here, is there's people that can feel like medicine or that can feel like meditation. Or even in partnership, like, you know, when you meet someone special, when you meet a man and, like, you know, they just feel, they calm your nervous system and you're just so present with them, like, that can feel like medicine, right? Right. Even, like, sometimes I'll get lost, like, in a conversation where I'm just, like, I was so present in the conversation where I felt like it was a meditation where I'm like, where did I go? I was just, cause there was nothing else. It was just that. And I feel like, um, that's, that's where life happens. And like, it's just, it's sad that so many people are living unconsciously and so many people aren't living present, like to know what that feels like, you know, to be that present, um, because everybody always has so much going on in their mind. Um, and so kind of going more toward, um, the dating topic um what do you feel like is you know especially being i'm sure it hasn't been easy for you especially because you've done so much healing work and you are a spiritually aware woman who's done all of this work like how have you felt like that has impacted you with dating because you're single or what is what is your relationship status

SPEAKER_04: 34:25

So I'll just pull back again. Like I spoke about being crazy, wilding out between those ages of 25 to 33, then 33 to 40, which is where I'm at right now. The first half was me being out there all the time, me dating all the time, back to back, filled relationships. Once I hit 33 and started really to do the inner work, I gave myself time to not date, you know, and bodybuilding was that kind of blessing. Unfortunately, it pushed my body and looks into a very masculine role and aesthetics but maybe that pushed away men too of like being so much in your masculine energy as well. So now as I opened up Love Her as a female only gym, I started to go back into my own feminine and I'm like, okay, now at this point at 40 after doing so much work is I'm going to go back into the dating scene because I look at dating or any type of relationship as I'm going to get to know myself more because a partnership like that, it really highlights what you need to learn to let go of. So again, this is still doing the work regardless of how much work I've been doing. So through this partnership, you know, you self-reflect on what they're teaching you, what you're learning about yourself. So every relationship is that. And what I've learned more of anything like your podcast is just like your ability to let go, to move forward and to get that knowledge and integrate it within yourself. Yeah. So right now I am talking to somebody. It's super brand new. But again, just even my own awareness of like attachment styles. He has an anxious attachment. And I personally have probably avoided an attachment from like not dating for so long. I'd rather just like not deal with it and just block everything than having to face it and confront it. But I think that when you know that about yourself, if you're willing to actually go forward and speak your truth and also be in honesty with that person, speaking your feelings and knowing where it's stemming from, I think just shows so much more compassion and growth.

SPEAKER_00: 36:20

Yeah. Um, I'm familiar with the, the attachment styles. Uh, can you let them know where they can find out what their attachment style is?

SPEAKER_04: 36:29

Yeah. So the book is called unattached. I can't think of the author right now, but it's a white book with two magnets that look like a heart. Um, just to give you a brief overview, there's three different attachment styles. One's an anxious attachment. So the person that like in Don Miguel Ruiz's book, um, The mastery of love, that's like the drug addict, the person that wants to be with you all the time. It's like any second they're text messaging you. There's an opposite one, which is an avoidant, which is just the person that needs more space. They still love you, they still want to be with you, but they don't have to be with you all the time, which creates anxiety on the opposite spectrum. And the third attachment style is the secure one, which typically the polar opposites will always usually attract, but then also the secure one can date either the avoidant or the anxious, but two avoidants usually don't work out.

SPEAKER_00: 37:15

Yeah. I'm definitely the anxious one. Yeah, I know. There's like a little test now. I forget the website, but you can like take like this little test and answer these questions where it'll kind of help you to figure out like what your attachment style is. Yeah, I think. Don't you think that it's so important when you're dating someone? To have a level of self-love and done a certain level of work on yourself before starting going into relationship with somebody because I feel like and I'm sure you've realized this too. I don't know how much dating you've done. I know you said you weren't for a while and then you did and you're in something new. I don't know. I found that like some... So many people haven't done the work, and it makes it really hard when you have. It can be a little bit lonely. It can take a little bit of extra time to find someone that's aligned like that with you. So how important would you say it is to have done some level or degree of work on yourself before you get into the dating field?

SPEAKER_04: 38:19

I think just the amount of unawareness of who we are. You have to go through datings of getting hit left and right for you to be like, okay, something's not right. I think that sometimes people get together unaware and get together forever and ever and ever. You know, I don't think that there is a right or wrong for anybody, but just know that if you're in the dating scene and it's a repetitive cycle of like the same issues with a different face, that's your cue to be like, okay, let me just pull back and fix myself and get to know myself to be able to see why do I keep attracting the same person, whether it be a narcissist or whatever. I think taking responsibility and knowing when to do that work is key. But you know, some people just go from one relationship to another, to another, to another, and don't ever do that work, and it's always them, their fault. So I think that that's just the cue. It's like, okay, are you repeating the same pattern, the same people? If both people are aware enough and willing to do the work, it will work out. But again, if one person is just repeating the same cycle, it's just a repetitiveness of just like, it's unfortunate, like the instant gratification stuff.

SPEAKER_00: 39:22

Yeah, totally. I totally, totally resonate with that. Oh my gosh. That's definitely what was happening for me in my life with people that I've been with. And I really, during finding the spiritual path, I had to take a step back and and realize my part in all of that and take a lot of accountability for my part in it and work on reprogramming my mind of attracting these type of people. I wanted to ask you if you also feel this way, because this is something that I have found, right? And we talk about this a lot on the podcast also about how we have a type, right? We have a type. Where do you think that comes from? Why do we develop this type? And this could be, when I say type, let's just start, I just mean more, let's just even start by looks. Like, right? Looks.

SPEAKER_04: 40:20

So my type is straight up like a Shemar Moore. A light-skinned brother with green eyes, with athletic builds. That's my type. But after dating so many of the same types, I'm like, well, this isn't working out. Where does it stem from? I have no quite idea. I just know when I was younger, I romanticized this thing of like black and white putting together that relationship and then being so taboo but they didn't care about what society wanted they still wanted to be together now obviously that's just me romanticizing it then they get this like caramel looking little kid and I'm just like wow that's beautiful it's gorgeous maybe it's part of me that likes to see the blend in cultures I don't know exactly why I have that I guess everybody has their type it's interesting enough when I'm dating this new person this is actually the first time it's a Mexican man and I don't I don't date Mexicans. Oh. I know. Okay. And I think that stems from not wanting to date my dad. As in, like, that's like... But you're like, I'm going opposite of what... Exactly. Okay. Exactly. And my dad always said, don't bring me a puff daddy, right? Because Mexicans are racist like that. So I'm like, well, guess what I'm going to date? All black

SPEAKER_00: 41:25

guys. So it's like the rebel in you. Yes,

SPEAKER_04: 41:27

exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 41:28

Maybe that's where it came from. The rebel in you, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 41:30

Yeah. We're rebels. Right? We're going to go opposite. And that didn't seem to work out. I think that there's a level of, like, just culture beliefs that are just not in alignment. with this one it's a Mexican but the amount of work that he did to get himself out of where he was at I think that we both appreciate that about each other so I think that we both know that like we like got the worst type of cards but we're able to build something out of it

SPEAKER_00: 41:55

which is ourselves yeah and tell me a little more like about him whatever you're comfortable sharing like as far as gosh I mean I can't even imagine how lucky he must feel to be a man and to date someone as amazing as you. Like, how has that been? How's that been for you?

SPEAKER_04: 42:15

You know what? And we joke around this. We call him a normie. What does that mean? He's not like me where it's like super disciplined and spiritual path and like, you know what I mean? In that sense of business mindset either. So for me to date somebody like that, I just accepted it that, you know what? The feelings were there. They were flowy. It's effortless. I think that's kind of how you know. We're in a point in our life where he's been through so many relationships as well and so have I. But again, I think that my awareness has allowed us to be like okay this isn't going to be easy if we're truly one making it a thing if we're both willing to do the work it's going to work and what I mean by that is like I can't date somebody that's not healthy so because not just the type of line I work I do but truthfully that health is wealth and health I feel like is a forefront of your longevity if he wasn't willing to be on a meal plan and work out with me it probably was going to work out yeah

SPEAKER_00: 43:10

because you built a whole life around that

SPEAKER_04: 43:12

yeah there's this one metaphor where it's like okay if you're on a table or a chair and you're pulling somebody up, it's that much harder to pull them up. But if somebody is down there, they're easy to pull you down.

SPEAKER_02: 43:23

right

SPEAKER_04: 43:24

so same thing with friends or family they're easy to pull you down to their level but it's that much harder for you to pull them up why because a person has to be willing to come up with you and not everybody wants to do that work or you know what I mean it's in that path so for me to see him wanting to do that work and being a bit more introspective understanding belief systems and where we came from and why do you believe that then it allows me to be more like okay this can't work out but if he wasn't trying to eat right or work out I'm like I can't I can't sacrifice who I can for you

SPEAKER_00: 43:56

no because they're going to pull you down with them and we've been there so we know right we've been in relationships like that yeah I kind of what my last relationship yeah well I mean everything you just said like you said you know like it's a lot easier for them to pull you down than for you to pull them up and they have to want that for themselves yeah I yeah that's like So I wanted to ask when you guys started dating, like, were you looking, were you looking, were you seeking to find somebody? How did it happen? I

SPEAKER_04: 44:33

think, you know, I... I used to never be on dating apps. Like once in a great while, I'd like open it up and see what's out there. And I'm like, no. For me, my time, energy, and attention is super valuable. So for me to give anybody a chance, it's just like really rare. So it was just a random Friday. I do the same thing always, which is just read and just be in my room. That one Friday, I just remember like I just don't want to do the same thing I've been doing. So I hit him up and we met and it just clicked. I think you can't force the click. It just happens. And as we get to know ourselves, the amount of laughter that we have between us is just like, I know it's special because it's just, you don't feel that with everybody. Like the clarity of conversation, the flow, the effortless. I'm just like, okay, this is something more that it's not so much unique, but just special. And if we really want to keep it, we have to really, you know, do our best to be super honest with ourselves and each other.

SPEAKER_00: 45:31

Absolutely. I love that.

UNKNOWN: 45:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 45:34

I've found that there's truth to like the saying as cliche as it sounds is like when you're not looking it finds you like I've kind of found that like I recently started also dating somebody and it was very it was literally at the moment where I was literally like I'm just not like I'm just kind of like I'm not gonna look I'm done like I'm just I'm just gonna live I'm just gonna live for me I'm just gonna have fun I'm just you know and then this like came about and it's like And it's just also like everything you're saying I've found. That's the difference is there's a flow to it. There's an ease to it. Not to say that it's always going to be easy, you know, and we don't know what the future holds. I know you said yours is new. Mine's also new. But there's an ease about it. And I think that and I want to know how you feel about this because this is at least something that I have found just because I am. I am naturally more of an over thinker and I live in my head, so I have to have certain practices and things that help me to not be so in my head. As it pertains to anything, but especially with dating. But something that I've found is, A good way to tell if somebody is good for you is to kind of get out of your head and go into your body and really feel how you feel around that person and check in with your nervous system. And how does your nervous system feel around this person? They talk a lot about the butterflies and different things like that, but they say that that's actually kind of not a good thing when you have butterflies. So do you find that... I guess kind of going into your body and really paying attention to how you feel when you're with someone is an important aspect of it.

SPEAKER_04: 47:20

Yeah, I think, I mean, who I am right now is definitely somebody that hearing this might not understand, but I talk about the chakra system and I talk about from the root all the way to the crown, understanding what activates while you're with somebody. So for me, like, obviously when you kiss somebody, it's probably your heart,

SPEAKER_03: 47:37

right?

SPEAKER_04: 47:38

Maybe a little bit of like your solar plexus or your sacral, but I think that having hyper-awareness within the feelings of those things also. But again, you have to have the knowledge of what this means to be able to decipher is this better or bad. A lot of times I'll have my throat shut. I can't speak. And that comes from like childhood, not being able to speak your truth, things like that. So definitely those feelings, I think, like you said, like if it brings you peace, if that's the biggest key indicator, if this person is probably good or bad. And then also just having those hard conversations and seeing how they handle things as well.

SPEAKER_00: 48:17

Absolutely. Absolutely. okay um is there so kind of wrapping up now we're at about 50 minutes is there anything you would like to leave our audience with or any final thoughts or anything like that this has been amazing by the way thank you so much for doing this with us i know that you're very busy and you took time out of your day to do this with us and um you guys i hope for you that are listening That you guys, we, I know me and Cody got so much out of this already with you. And you guys, I really hope that you guys have too. We've said it before. She's a wealth of knowledge. And because of your guys' support, we're able to do things like this and have amazing people like her on. So, yeah. Any final thoughts? Any final messages? I

SPEAKER_04: 49:05

would just say this. The truth is anything is possible. But you have to be willing to let go of the version that you currently are to develop a different version of yourself, a higher version, for you to attract something different and better, whether it be that car, that dream house, that relationship. You have to become better to attract better. So for you to do that is to really go inward, take a look at your belief system, because those are your roots to your tree. Your tree is like the manifestation in this realm. Your roots is the inner world, which is your mind, your thoughts, your emotions. If you could really take the time because I know everybody's so busy, right? And in this society, it's do, do, do, do, right? We're not being, we're not present with ourselves. If you could just slow down, take a breath, fresh air, nothing's going anywhere. Take a look inside, really be like, okay, does this belief system align to the person that I want to become? And for me personally, I'm trying to think of the biggest belief system, but honestly, it's really the belief in yourself to change, right? I said, if I don't start to believe myself, myself now than when I started bodybuilding. I think that people limit themselves financially because they weren't willing to invest in themselves. But once you invest in yourself, once you start to do the work and really commit to the right actions, that's truthfully showing yourself self-love. And when you become that version of yourself, that's confidence because you've trusted yourself enough to make the right actions for yourself. And when you become that version of yourself, you really just hold a healthy boundary, which unfortunately in my Mexican culture, nobody teaches us that. Healthy boundaries are necessary because not everybody's going to get you. Not everybody is where you're at. So you have to just be willing to show compassion like, hey, I did the work. I hope that one day you're willing to do that for yourself. As I teach it, the three levels is the energy, which is your physical health. There's the emotional intelligence, which is your heart, healing the traumas from the childhood, healing any adulthood adversities, which is death, divorce, disease, and declaring bankruptcy, anything that you feel loss of. And then you have your financial awareness part, because to feel like you are, like, truthfully, everybody is abundant, but because we've been programmed with lack, scarcity, and incorrect environment our mental things, we don't value ourselves enough or our time. And we, like you said, spend it with people that probably don't value us either. So really it's about building that relationship with yourself and that's the work, that's love her. Eventually, hopefully I'll have a love him. My biggest dream is to have a retreat center to be able to teach women how to do this, especially because there's so many single mothers out there. As I am one at a very young age, I had to step into my masculine role and be that provider. but I lacked the clarity and healing part for my feminine. So now as I'm progressing and balancing both aspects of myself, I know that this is something that I could truly help so many people in. But again, it's just their own desire and willingness to do that for themselves. And that's truly how your reality changes over time. I mean, from me being broke and just heartbroken and overweight to even from where I'm at right now to what I do for a living. mean there's so much fulfillment on this side but unless you do that work you're probably always going to repeat the same cycles and keep doing the same things

SPEAKER_00: 52:30

and i feel like that's how majority of people are living and it's kind of sad and so you are helping people i have no doubt that you'll do that you'll open that you'll open that like like you said the wellness center retreat like i can totally see you doing that and i can i can i can come in as a sound healer when you do that oh for sure

SPEAKER_04: 52:47

yeah we have plenty of events here i love her i think that's the biggest thing building community that's all always on the same page of like self-development because in a society that's sick it's just like you have to be that change for yourself and then hopefully it inspires others but I tell the girls like we don't push our ways on anybody they will see you happy and healthy and when the time is right for them they'll come in and get that help as well

SPEAKER_00: 53:09

absolutely dang it I feel like this time has flown so fast and to be honest there were two other things I wanted to get in with you that we're not obviously gonna have time to do but and it was pertaining to like manifesting but but also the energy of money. Is there anything you can lightly touch on? I'm feeling more called to talk about how money is energy. I feel like a lot of people don't understand that concept. Can you lightly touch on it?

SPEAKER_04: 53:36

We could bridge both of manifesting energy. So food is energy, money is energy, you are energy. And again, whatever vibration you're at, you're able to attract different things in that realm. For you to level up, again, you have to understand that this realm is a negative and positive. There's a polarity to it. Highs and lows, good or bad. The way that you do it is by really aligning yourself to the most positive thing but then also your thoughts your emotional space everything has to be alignment to what we call in spirituality your higher self to become your higher self is for you to be honest with yourself and do the right actions and I mean in our environment unfortunately as women it's like we give so much out before we give to ourselves so first first first give to yourself and then just give out of the kindness of your heart with no intention of getting anything back if you continuously do that over and over and over this is why I think the gym is so successful. I give the girls everything that I have from the lessons I learned that day from lessons I learned 20 years ago. Every single time I give, I'm not expecting anything back, but I know that the way that the universe works is that there's always a 10 folds back. So eventually, you know, whether it be in the future, far from now or close to now, I know that it's going to return. And that's really the financial gains. You really don't see it tangibly right now, but over time, as you build that consistency and habits and avoid of being of you giving it will come back to you tenfold

SPEAKER_00: 55:02

and just trust that it'll come and the way you serve from your heart it's like a boomerang it comes back to you just like with karma you know i totally agree

SPEAKER_04: 55:09

staying true to yourself is number one so authenticity is key

SPEAKER_00: 55:13

yes absolutely okay you guys well thank you for being here with us i know that our audience I just know they're going to take away so much from this. So thank you for being so willing to like share your knowledge and also be open just about your life, your life story, all of that. Um, it's not always the easiest thing to do. So thank you so much for being here with us. Um, all right, you guys, that's all we have for you today and we will see you next time on the unengaged podcast.